What Is Honesty?

Lately I’ve been trying to figure out what Honesty truly means. I’m getting so many mixed signals from guys that I feel like I don’t really understand the true meaning of honesty. The Webster Dictionary defines it as: fairness and straightforwardness. So, why is it that not what people use it for.

I’ve been trying really hard to be honest with guys that I’m not interested in or no longer want to see but some guys don’t get the hint. But then, when I do decide to go out with a guy, I don’t get the same honesty back. Instead, I get stood up, not once but twice.


At the end of last year, a guy reached out to me and came on pretty strong. I was genuinely interested in this guy and actually wanted to meet him for dinner eventually. We talked for about a week, mostly me carrying on the conversation while he answered questions about himself. That was the first red flag. I finally asked him when we would meet and go on an actual date. He told me we could do something that Friday. Just so you know, it was Tuesday when we made these plans.

The following day I got one of the worst phone calls while at work. I had to make the decision to put my dog to sleep. My poor little Ava was ready to go to Doggy Heaven. I never heard from my date that day but I was too busy crying anyways. The following day I didn’t hear from him either but he was still watching my Instagram stories. Another red flag. Friday came and still no word from him. I was about to write him off but then noticed he had sent me quite a few snapchats. He even sent them the day after we were supposed to go out. We started talking through snapchat this time. Again, I owned up and asked if we could go out and made plans for this past Sunday. Sunday came and we were still snapchatting most of the day. Once I was done volunteering and made it home I asked if he still wanted to do something. If you aren’t aware you can tell when someone opens your snap and he opened it right after I sent it. And, he didn’t respond.

I don’t understand how someone can carry on a conversation and make plans then completely ghost them. I guess I expect honesty since I’m honest with people I’m not interested in. This could have totally ruined my self-esteem but I didn’t let it. I remind myself that every thing I have is because of me. I know what I bring to the table and I know I deserve someone that wants my time. A really good just told me “You are worth someone’s time. You aren’t a waste of time.”


Being honest has become so hard for some people that it’s easier for people to lie or just “disappear”. We don’t like to hurt people’s feelings but when we aren’t honest it just hurts them more. We need to be more honest because the less honest guys are with girls the longer we want to stay single and far, far away from dating.


Next week, I’ll tell you about when I’ve been honest with guys and how it just didn’t work out that well for me.

The Blind Date

We all have those friends that try to set us up with someone they know. They think we would be a perfect match or have a lot in common. In most of these cases it never works out for me. Except, this one time. Clearly, I’m not still with this said person but this blind set up actually turned into a relationship for 6 quick months. We will refer to him as Justin Bobby. I call him this because he had two first names.

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One of my good friends asked me if I would be interested in meeting her soon to be brother in law. I had seen no pictures and knew absolutely nothing about him. This was a complete first for me and I thought would be a fun experience. I arrive at the restaurant and get ready to walk down the stairs and lock eyes with this really cute guy. Low and behold this guy is my blind date!!! I’d say I saw stars or fireworks but that would be a lie. We did however, instantly click. I left there feeling like I was on cloud 9 and couldn’t wait to see him again. We began dating and he was a complete gentleman. Soon after, he invited me to go with him to Atlanta to meet more of his family and to go to a football game. This was a dream weekend for me. Even if plans got messed up, I still had an amazing time just being with him. Justin Bobby was in the military (I had a thing for those at one point) and was stationed in another state. Occasionally, I would drive down to see him or he would come up to see me and his family. Everything became so normal and comfortable so fast but this is when I started noticing the real Justin Bobby.

I always give relationships 3 months at the max. Usually, within 3 months you can figure out who that person truly is because the newness starts wearing off and their true colors come out. Justin Bobby was very, very much into sex. He was also very much into sleeping. At the beginning of our relationship we went places and did things but now 3 months down the road he only wanted to have sex and sleep. The sleeping part annoyed me to no end. The new year came and I was moving into my new house. I asked Justin Bobby if he would help me move. His response wasn’t a yes or no but “did he really have to”. So, I asked other people to help me to move. Clearly, our spark was dying along with our whole relationship. I did like that he would occasionally surprise me. I came home once with a new pair of workout shoes on my front porch!!

One day while Justin Bobby was comfortably sleeping on my couch, I remember looking at him and thinking this is going no where and never will. The thought quickly left my mind because I thought this was normal now and I thought I loved him. Valentines was fast approaching and two days it before Justin Bobby sent me chocolate covered strawberries. Sweet right?! The next day I received a text from Justin Bobby and this is exactly what it said: “I don’t know how I’m going to break up with this girl.  I don’t even know why I want to break up with her, she’s a really awesome cook.” Yes, this is how Justin Bobby broke up with me. By a text that was supposedly for someone else. I immediately called him and asked him about this text and he acted really confused and worried. I told Justin Bobby to never call me again and hung up the phone.

My wonderful friend came over that night with pizza and a movie to make me feel better. The horrible part though, I wasn’t even sad. Have you ever seen the movie The Holiday with Cameron Diaz where her boyfriend breaks up with her and she’s trying to force herself to cry???

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That was me. I genuinely wasn’t upset about the whole thing because in the back of my mind I knew it needed to happen. Maybe not in the way that it did but then you guys wouldn’t be so lucky to read about it! My birthday was coming up and my parents planned this awesome trip that Justin Bobby was supposed to go on. This is also when I decided to rescue my dog Cooper.


See how cute he is!!!!

Right before my trip Justin Bobby reached out to me. He said he really missed me and wanted to see me again. We met up, talked it out and I thought we were going to start dating again. Wrong. Guys, Justin Bobby is the reason why girls think guys only want one thing. Justin Bobby wanted that one thing but he asked if he could take me to dinner for it, buy me a new purse, new shoes or a watch. He didn’t want the relationship title just blow jobs and sex. This was not what I wanted clearly. I wanted him to tell me he loved me after that 6-month period. His response: “I don’t love you, I never loved you and never will.” Stab me right in the heart why don’t you! This is probably where I’ve gotten my black soul from. This whole relationship.

my soul is black... like the night sky. infinite, full of mystery & twinkling stars :)

Eventually, Justin Bobby found some other poor girl and I only say poor girl because I found out after he had been dating her for longer than him and I, he cheated on her. He actually told me this himself. Of course, while he was deployed he tried to reach out to me and say he would buy me things again if I sent him pictures. At this point all of my niceness had worn off because of him and other wonderful men. When he came home he asked me out to dinner. I told him I would think about it and almost picked a day a time only to blow him off last minute. Truthfully, I wanted him to feel the burn that he caused me. He was not happy at all with this burn and I soon blocked him after that.

Justin Bobby taught me to trust my gut and always remember that 3-month rule. I’ve actually gotten it down to a 2-3 date rule now but sometimes a few might slip through the cracks. He also eventually in the long run taught me again to stand up for myself and not let someone physically take advantage of me. I got to experience some pretty cool things with Justin Bobby but I’m also glad I didn’t settle or try to push him to be in a relationship that was going nowhere. Sometimes blind dates can go really bad but sometimes they teach you more about yourself.

I used to believe every word you said Ricardo.You were my Knight in Shining Armor and Prince Charming..I was your Cheerleader/Best Friend/Toy and even Mistress..then your lies destroyed the fantasy image of you..  #ByeRicardo #IWishIKnewTheRealYouAndNotTheFakeOne