Sometimes when you’re expecting nothing at all something great comes along. The person that finally makes you feel comfortable with who you are and you get this gleam of hope that they might work out. Before starting this blog my friends would tell me I needed to watch Sex and the City because I sounded like Carrie Bradshaw. So, over the summer I began watching all the episodes and movies. I am now obsessed with shoes and Carrie Bradshaw. Thank you friends!! Carrie had her Big, which of course she ends up happily ever after. Everything was a chance meeting with him. This is where I will tell you about My Big, however, it was very short lived.
My friends invited me to their river house for the weekend. I had no expectations of meeting anyone since the last few months and years hadn’t been the greatest with dating. Saturday, we took the boats out and headed to their favorite restaurant on the water. The day was filled with “swamp juice”, tubing, pushing my friend off the boat, swimming, wakeboarding and avoiding crab pots. We came back to the house to lay by the pool and it was surrounded with people that we didn’t know. I sat down to start my people watching and my friend came over and told me I had to come meet the hottest guy in the world. I was slightly terrified to meet anyone because I looked a “hot mess.” No make-up, sunburnt, and still slightly drunk from the “swamp juice”.
We walk over to “the hottest guy in the world” and she introduces me. Lots of babble came out of my mouth because he actually was the hottest guy in the world and I was at that moment the most awkward girl in the world. He was tall, tan, in shape, great smile, gorgeous voice and beautiful eyes. He also had other great qualities and reminded me of Carrie’s Big so I’ll call him “Big.” Standing there trying not to be any more awkward than I already was and thinking there is no way this guy can be slightly interested in this hot mess, he walks over and starts a conversation. We end up having a really fun time. A enough fun that he invited me back to his friends to eat. I, of course, thought he just felt bad for me and was trying to be nice. The night came to an end with Big taking me back to my friends and no numbers were exchanged. I was perfectly fine with this ending. I had a great night with a gorgeous guy and it was a total confidence booster.
The following week my friend would occasionally ask me if I had heard from Big but I knew I probably never would. I’ve learned that if someone is interested in you and wants to talk to you, they will. Big did not ask me for my number that night and he hadn’t tried to get my number since that night. Or did he…… About a month had gone by since that weekend and I came into work with an email from my boss. Supposedly, Big had been asking his friend to try to get in contact with me for a while. I now had Big’s number. Again, I’m still thinking I have no chance with this guy and this has to be a joke. I text Big and we end up setting up a date for the following day.
What does every girl want to do when they have a date with the hottest guy in the world? Look gorgeous of course. I tried, I don’t think I succeeded but I tried. When I met Big at the restaurant the hostess gave me the bitchiest look ever when she saw him walk in and hug me. (He was that type of hot!) We chose to sit outside to enjoy the view. This is where my trying and not succeeding at looking gorgeous comes in. It was HOT! Really, really HOT! I was sweating my imaginary balls off and really wanted to go sit inside in the air condition. Thank goodness, Big did not complain about my decision. The date ended and we parted ways with him telling me it was good catching up with me. Being a girl, we always read way more into detail than we should sometimes. The end of this date confirmed my assumption that Big was really not interested in me and I was way out of my league with him. I also didn’t hear from him at all the following day. This is where I should have given up. But, I didn’t. I ended up texting Big that night about my canceled weekend plans and he invited me out on his boat the next day! Pity invite or not I was completely blown away and jumped at the chance to hang out with him again.
I arrived at the dock on time and ready to go. We got loaded into the boat and headed out into the river. Within a couple of minutes of cruising on the river the boat cuts off by itself. This should have been a sign of what would happen between us, right? We made the best out of a sucky boat situation and still had a great day. I even met some of his friends. Once we finally got back to the dock, (Big looked like he was jacking the boat off the whole way back by the way), he hugged me goodbye and that was it. Again, totally confused that this guy clearly can’t be into me, I should have let it go. I should have left it alone from the first date but sometimes girls get these things called feelings. By the way, feelings are stupid! The second week went a little better and there was a small increase in texts from Big. He invited me out again on his boat and I promptly accepted again.
The second time on the boat it ran without turning off on its own. Maybe he just took me out a second time to show me his boat actually did run since clearly there wasn’t a third time. We went out to lunch with his friends, which I thought were awesome. This time around Big was a lot more physical and it’s exactly what I wanted because: 1. He was gorgeous and I thought way out of my league, 2. I finally felt comfortable with a guy again and he made me feel normal. We ended our day on the river and Big invited me back to his place. I was ecstatic. Of course, the visit to his place was well worth it on so many levels. I headed home at the end of the day on cloud 9. This guy seemed perfect. Yea, maybe he wasn’t the best texter or a planner but he had finally been the guy to break down some of my walls and allow me to be myself around him. Like I said, I finally felt comfortable with someone and I could be open and honest with him. Clearly, there were red flags but they were so small I told myself to stop being so cautious and picky. This backfired on me of course.
The next weekend came around and it was a holiday weekend so I had an extra day off. I thought by now we were hitting it off we would probably do something together. We hadn’t made plans but every time before they were so last minute it didn’t bother me. It did a little in my head because I am a planner but I was trying to live in the moment. I went back to my friend’s river house that weekend and barely heard from Big. He did finally show up later that night with his friends and was really sweet and normal for the most part. He even invited me on the boat the next day. Again, I was excited. This time though I was allowing myself to get more excited than the previous times because I thought to myself “Oh, maybe I’ll get to keep this one!”, “Maybe, this one actually likes me!” I was wrong….. soooooo wrong. The next day came and I woke up to a text from Big saying that I should just go home because he didn’t know his plans for the day and didn’t want me to be stranded or have to do something I didn’t want. This was a blow but I was going to be ok. Then while getting ready to pack up and leave I see his boat pull in to his friends across the cove. I also find out he has another girl on that boat with him. This blow just got a little harder. Clearly, Big wasn’t into me as much as I thought. So, what do most girls do when this happens? Every bad thought possible runs through your mind. I wanted to go home and get as far away from everything as possible.
Later that day, I ended up finding out exactly who was on that boat. I found out more than I wanted and saw more than I cared to. Big and I only went out a couple of times but this one almost broke me. It wasn’t because of Big or the fact he decided to go back to his ex-girlfriend and not be honest with me. It was because I had finally let my walls down and was finally letting someone in. I was allowing myself to be vulnerable and have those stupid things called feelings again. After Big, I told myself what I had told myself before: never ever let someone have that much control over you or your emotions. This time though I had to stick to it!
Big was a nice guy with really funny friends. He did finally tell me about him and the ex-girlfriend reconciling and we left it at that. When my friends ask me if I’ve heard from him months after this ordeal, I tell them no, I know I never will. My Short Lived Big was another lesson learned. Don’t dive too deep too soon. Remember the red flags. If someone truly is interested in you, they will make the effort to talk to you, hang out with you and be with you. My short time with Big was fun, it could have been so much worse. As I always tell my dad: “One day I’ll find a guy with his own motorboat.” Big just wasn’t it.