The Blind Date

We all have those friends that try to set us up with someone they know. They think we would be a perfect match or have a lot in common. In most of these cases it never works out for me. Except, this one time. Clearly, I’m not still with this said person but this blind set up actually turned into a relationship for 6 quick months. We will refer to him as Justin Bobby. I call him this because he had two first names.

See the source image

One of my good friends asked me if I would be interested in meeting her soon to be brother in law. I had seen no pictures and knew absolutely nothing about him. This was a complete first for me and I thought would be a fun experience. I arrive at the restaurant and get ready to walk down the stairs and lock eyes with this really cute guy. Low and behold this guy is my blind date!!! I’d say I saw stars or fireworks but that would be a lie. We did however, instantly click. I left there feeling like I was on cloud 9 and couldn’t wait to see him again. We began dating and he was a complete gentleman. Soon after, he invited me to go with him to Atlanta to meet more of his family and to go to a football game. This was a dream weekend for me. Even if plans got messed up, I still had an amazing time just being with him. Justin Bobby was in the military (I had a thing for those at one point) and was stationed in another state. Occasionally, I would drive down to see him or he would come up to see me and his family. Everything became so normal and comfortable so fast but this is when I started noticing the real Justin Bobby.

I always give relationships 3 months at the max. Usually, within 3 months you can figure out who that person truly is because the newness starts wearing off and their true colors come out. Justin Bobby was very, very much into sex. He was also very much into sleeping. At the beginning of our relationship we went places and did things but now 3 months down the road he only wanted to have sex and sleep. The sleeping part annoyed me to no end. The new year came and I was moving into my new house. I asked Justin Bobby if he would help me move. His response wasn’t a yes or no but “did he really have to”. So, I asked other people to help me to move. Clearly, our spark was dying along with our whole relationship. I did like that he would occasionally surprise me. I came home once with a new pair of workout shoes on my front porch!!

One day while Justin Bobby was comfortably sleeping on my couch, I remember looking at him and thinking this is going no where and never will. The thought quickly left my mind because I thought this was normal now and I thought I loved him. Valentines was fast approaching and two days it before Justin Bobby sent me chocolate covered strawberries. Sweet right?! The next day I received a text from Justin Bobby and this is exactly what it said: “I don’t know how I’m going to break up with this girl.  I don’t even know why I want to break up with her, she’s a really awesome cook.” Yes, this is how Justin Bobby broke up with me. By a text that was supposedly for someone else. I immediately called him and asked him about this text and he acted really confused and worried. I told Justin Bobby to never call me again and hung up the phone.

My wonderful friend came over that night with pizza and a movie to make me feel better. The horrible part though, I wasn’t even sad. Have you ever seen the movie The Holiday with Cameron Diaz where her boyfriend breaks up with her and she’s trying to force herself to cry???

 See the source image

That was me. I genuinely wasn’t upset about the whole thing because in the back of my mind I knew it needed to happen. Maybe not in the way that it did but then you guys wouldn’t be so lucky to read about it! My birthday was coming up and my parents planned this awesome trip that Justin Bobby was supposed to go on. This is also when I decided to rescue my dog Cooper.

 IMG_3622.jpg

See how cute he is!!!!

Right before my trip Justin Bobby reached out to me. He said he really missed me and wanted to see me again. We met up, talked it out and I thought we were going to start dating again. Wrong. Guys, Justin Bobby is the reason why girls think guys only want one thing. Justin Bobby wanted that one thing but he asked if he could take me to dinner for it, buy me a new purse, new shoes or a watch. He didn’t want the relationship title just blow jobs and sex. This was not what I wanted clearly. I wanted him to tell me he loved me after that 6-month period. His response: “I don’t love you, I never loved you and never will.” Stab me right in the heart why don’t you! This is probably where I’ve gotten my black soul from. This whole relationship.

my soul is black... like the night sky. infinite, full of mystery & twinkling stars :)

Eventually, Justin Bobby found some other poor girl and I only say poor girl because I found out after he had been dating her for longer than him and I, he cheated on her. He actually told me this himself. Of course, while he was deployed he tried to reach out to me and say he would buy me things again if I sent him pictures. At this point all of my niceness had worn off because of him and other wonderful men. When he came home he asked me out to dinner. I told him I would think about it and almost picked a day a time only to blow him off last minute. Truthfully, I wanted him to feel the burn that he caused me. He was not happy at all with this burn and I soon blocked him after that.

Justin Bobby taught me to trust my gut and always remember that 3-month rule. I’ve actually gotten it down to a 2-3 date rule now but sometimes a few might slip through the cracks. He also eventually in the long run taught me again to stand up for myself and not let someone physically take advantage of me. I got to experience some pretty cool things with Justin Bobby but I’m also glad I didn’t settle or try to push him to be in a relationship that was going nowhere. Sometimes blind dates can go really bad but sometimes they teach you more about yourself.

I used to believe every word you said Ricardo.You were my Knight in Shining Armor and Prince Charming..I was your Cheerleader/Best Friend/Toy and even Mistress..then your lies destroyed the fantasy image of you..  #ByeRicardo #IWishIKnewTheRealYouAndNotTheFakeOne

Stand Out

There are some moments in your life when someone says something to you that will always stay in your mind. They can be encouraging words, or words that will hurt you. These words can change the way you think about yourself or other people. Women are already compared to each other in multiple ways; the color of our hair, eyes, what we’re wearing, who we spend our time with, how much we weigh, our relationships with men and many more things. So when the person you’re in a relationship with tells you something that changes the way you look at yourself in a negative way, it hurts. It really hurts. My first boyfriend after high school did just that, and we will refer to him as “Prince A.”
The first time I met Prince A was at a party at his house. I remember meeting him, talking to him and enjoying the whole night. About a week or so later I saw Prince A again, and he ended up asking me on a date. I was over the moon that this guy was at least a little bit interested in me. Interested enough to ask me out. We went to dinner and I thought it went okay but didn’t think a guy like him would be interested in me at all. Before he took me home that night, he asked me on a second date. Prince A pulled out all the stops and took me on the best dates I have probably ever been on. He knew how to wow a woman.
We formed a relationship and in time people ask you how did you meet. Prince A would start the story but when I corrected him and told him I had met him at his house for a party, but he said he didn’t remember. We had been in a relationship long enough to where I felt comfortable enough to ask him why he didn’t remember me and his response was, “I don’t know, you just didn’t stand out.” I dated Prince A for over a year and we ended up not seeing eye to eye with a lot of things in our relationship, but those words he said always stood out to me.

neverfitin
Other than never feeling pretty enough or important enough for Prince A, our relationship wasn’t horrible. We just weren’t meant for each other. But those words have stayed with me for years. I have always compared myself to other girls and wanted to be the best. It’s taken me a while, but I’m finally realizing that I am different for a reason, just like everyone else around me. I need to own the qualities I was given, and the things I have conquered and fought for all by myself. We don’t need someone else’s approval, although we sometimes strive for it. Just because someone might not think you stand out to them, doesn’t mean you don’t stand out. Everyone stands out in their own way.

Image result for happy dance gif

Changes For The Better

Sometimes I have these super ballsy moments where I see a cute guy and give them my number.  One night I went out on a whim  and gave a guy my number. He was sweet, funny and had an accent from Louisiana. So, I will call him Louisiana. We ended up going out to lunch the very next day.

Our first date was great. I felt very comfortable talking to him and being with him. We hung out a few times but I noticed that he was always negative about things and mean to other people. He was never negative or mean towards me. Louisiana came over for dinner one night and things got hot. Very hot. But hot doesn’t always mean good, so I learned that night.

A few days later Louisiana drunk dialed me asking to come pick him up from a bar. I was beyond annoyed that he wouldn’t accept no for an answer. I ended up picking him up and letting him stay the night at my house. I set a few ground rules for him staying the night. These were my rules (mostly because of my annoyance): do not breath on me, do not touch me, no cuddling, no snoring and no sex! I listed each rule and then rolled over. Louisiana finally passed out after an hour of drunk mumbling. I pretended to be asleep. Then, the snoring began. I tried waking him up multiple times. Finally, I got up and went and slept in my spare room. The next morning, I had to get ready for work and then drive him back to his hotel.

I ended up “ghosting” Louisiana after that night. He reached out to me twice and I felt awful about leaving him hanging. Finally, I texted him and told him where I was that moment in my life and why it wouldn’t work out between us. I decided to meet Louisiana for dinner one night and I was very honest with him. We were talking about the reason why I began going to church and he said he understood where I was coming from. I told him that maybe these were the reasons he was so negative and mean to other people. We had a very deep conversation that night. Louisiana still tried to be more than friends with me but I was not having it. He moved back home soon after.

Occasionally I would hear from him and how I changed his life. I found out that he began going to church and was no longer negative and mean to other people. He said I helped him realize what he needed to fix in his life and how to become a better person. Louisiana ended up sending me a handwritten card and very thoughtful gift for Christmas that year. He is also still convinced that I am the love of his life and he’s going to marry me one day.

Although I enjoyed Louisiana’s company, I didn’t feel the “click.” I was instantly annoyed with him in less than a week. Louisiana will still randomly text me to see if I’ve met anyone and if he still has a chance. Each time I’m just as honest with him as I have been in the past. Meeting Louisiana taught me that you need to be honest. It also made me feel good, knowing I helped him become a better person. I pray that Louisiana finds that perfect person that he’s searching for and will remain this awesome person he has become. Also, I learned that ghosting people is wrong and its always better to be upfront and honest with everyone.

Do’s & Dont’s of Dating

When you get ready to go on a date you want to impress that person. Sometimes we do things that we think may impress them or may actually completely turn them away. It could be nerves or it could be the real person showing coming out. Here are a few of my dating do’s and dont’s that I’ve personally experienced.

Nevermind

  • Do always walk to the door or greet the person you’re picking up for a date
  • Do NOT honk the horn when you arrive at their house to have them come outside
  • Do plan a fun date that will allow you to talk to each other
  • Do NOT get so drunk on your date that she has to call her friends to come get you both
  • Do NOT go to a movie on your first date…. You can’t talk in the movies!
  • Do NOT invite your new date and old date to a “Fun Day” together
  • Do NOT insult your date the entire time you’re together
  • Do NOT try to change your dates point of view on religion on your first date
  • Do show interest in your date and what they’re talking about
  • DO NOT check out other girls while on your date
  • Do NOT point out how attractive other girls are while on your date
  • Do call or text your date the day before and the day of your date
  • Do NOT ghost your date then still assume your date is still on
  • Do listen to what your date is saying
  • Do NOT let awkward silence take over your date
  • Do NOT do all the talking on the date
  • DO ask your date questions about them so they can ask you those same questions back
  • Do NOT talk on your phone while your date waits patiently for you to finish… unless it’s an emergency
  • Do NOT talk about yourself the entire date
  • Do allow your date to talk to you
  • Do NOT talk about your ex-girlfriend for the whole date
  • Do NOT drive like you’re in NASCAR with your date in the car
  • Do listen to your date if they’re trying to give you directions and you do not know where you’re going
  • Do NOT reveal too much personal information about yourself on your first date
  • Do NOT start planning your future with your date on your first date
  • Do ask your date what they like and do not like before planning your first date
  • Do compliment your date
  • Do NOT show up for your date drunk
  • Do NOT show up for your date late… unless you have a really good excuse, like saving baby kittens
  • Do have manners and treat the wait staff or any other people you come in contact with nicely
  • Do NOT blow off your date twice and expect them to still go out with you
  • Do act nicely to your date so they will want to go on more dates
  • Do NOT wait three days to contact your date after your first date
  • Do reach out to your date if you’re interested
  • Do follow your gut
  • Do notice the red flags
  • Do be truthful to your date if you’re not interested in them

These are just a few of my personal pointers for dating. They’re not a rule book. But I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who would agree with some of these Do’s and Dont’s.

What are some of your Do’s and Dont’s on Dates?!

Intimidatingmscott

 

 

The End of the Beginning

Forgive People

Have you ever been in the middle of a date and wondered how you got to that point? Or why did you agree to do this? Dating is uncomfortable and when it’s not with the right person, it’s not always fun. I have been on so many dates with so many different “types” of guys.

Some dates were fun, but others no so much. I would count down the minutes until it was over!

Every date was a learning experience and I don’t regret any of them at all. I’ve met a lot of wonderful people that I pray will find their perfect match.

When I think back on all my dates I always try to put them in order. What got me to this point in my life? Who has shaped my way of thinking about relationships? What has made me feel this way about dating? I have recently made some comical realizations about my dating life, and I want to share them on here for the world. Laughing alone isn’t nearly as fun.

I think I have dated all types men, starting with pretty boys, to rednecks, even a couple sweethearts. Then there’s the handful of assholes. But who hasn’t dated a jerk or two? It all began with my first real boyfriend. The first boy I gave my heart to, the first time I said “I love you,”  the one that held my hand and I spent an entire year of my life with. Boyfriend number 1 will be referred to as “Bean”

I met Bean through mutual family friends while I was in high school. Although that was clearly ages ago, the experiences I had through out that year of my life taught me quite a few things. When we’re young , we like to think we know everything and we can plan our entire future. Bean was my first real boyfriend and I thought he was going to be my last. Thank goodness, he wasn’t! Bean had that tough guy attitude and raced motocross. He drove a truck and made me feel like I was the luckiest girl in the world, that was until the real Bean came out.

My  first Valentine’s day with my first real boyfriend. I wanted to look beautiful for him so I put on make-up and wore my cutest outfit. Bean came to pick me up for dinner and while at dinner I’m expecting a nice night maybe a compliment or something but it turned into a night of tears. Bean told me that I looked hideous with make-up on and to never wear it again. When I look back at it now this is where the controlling part began. I always went to all of Bean’s races and was supportive of everything he did. My whole young world revolved around him and everything he wanted to do. He wanted to get married as soon as I was old enough and he would remind me often. This is where I realized I didn’t want to be with Bean anymore. I started to get my own voice and Bean did not like it. One morning while we were just sitting around he asked me to do something and I replied with a “No”. Bean did not like that answer since he always got his way and elbowed me right in the mouth. I jumped up mortified and couldn’t believe what had happened and ran to the bathroom while he was yelling at me on the way there. He eventually apologized and I accepted his apology.

A  few weeks later he got upset about something he was working on in the garage and while I was just sitting there watching him work , he decided to throw a wrench at me. I ran inside the house and his dad hearing the noise ran out and to yell at Bean . I still stayed with Bean  even after all the hurtful things he said and did, but one day I finally realized I didn’t want to stay there forever and be  afraid of a man. A man who thought it was normal  hurting me, insulting me and making me feel insecure. No woman should ever be scared of the person they are with.

Bean  and I finally broke up over the  summer.  That year I realized I needed to stand up for myself, I should never be afraid of a man, if I want to wear make-up to make myself feel extra pretty, then I can wear make-up, and that I was allowed to be happy.

Guys should not try to make you feel insecure about your choices or how you look , and what you wear. If you aren’t happy in your situation, you have to stay that way.   We should never settle, we deserve all the happiness. Go out there and live your life! Be happy!

Bean  might have done some wrong things , but I can move on from that. I learned from all of those things. Remember , you can forgive people but that doesn’t mean you have to accept  their behavior or trust them. You should forgive them for yourself, so you can let go and move on with your life.

Forgive People