Can you hear me now?

In my last blog I mentioned telling you all about when I was honest with guys and how it completely back fired on me. So, I will tell you about the most recent one. We will call him Verizon.

Verizon was another set up from a mutual friend. I swear my friends think I’m going to die alone or something. We started with texts then made plans for dinner. I liked that he picked the place even though when I browsed the menu beforehand I didn’t find anything I was crazy about on the menu. We had a great date but again he looked nothing like his pictures online. I also found out that he would be leaving in the Spring. We made plans to go out for brunch a few days after our first date. I arrived at the restaurant at the designated time and let Verizon know I was there. He ended up calling me and saying I didn’t know you would be there so soon. We had arranged a time and I met there at that exact time. So, I sat in my car for 20 minutes waiting for him to get to the restaurant. He pulled up and got out of his car and I watched him walk inside. I had already told him I was sitting in my car. By this time, I had this gut feeling that I was already over this guy and our date and didn’t want to be here. But, I still went because I can’t be that mean of a person…. yet.

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Inside, we sat at the bar and ordered some drinks and started our casual conversation. This is where Verizon earns his name. I was telling Verizon about my friend’s birthday I had been to the night before. I told him who was there and what we did. Right after I ended that sentence Verizon asked me “So, who all was there. How many people?” I looked at him confused and before I could stop myself said “Really?” He looked offended clearly. I told him I had literally just told him that and he still looked at my confused like I hadn’t said anything to him.

This was it. The line that disconnected me from Verizon. I no longer wanted to be with him anywhere or ever again. He asked me what I was doing that day and I told him I was helping a friend re-do her furniture. Again, he looked at me confused and stated basically I couldn’t possibly be able to do something like that. I told him we were antiquing her furniture and making it “Shabby Chic.” He then told me he didn’t know what that was and didn’t believe what I was saying so he proceeded to google it to prove me wrong. I told Verizon that my friend lived near where we were eating but we would be working on the furniture at her mom’s house which was down where I lived but further past me. When we left he tried to make plans for later that afternoon and I told him I would let him know but never confirmed any plans.

Later that afternoon, Verizon texted me asking how the renovations were going. I know I shouldn’t have gotten annoyed but I did because of our previous conversations at Brunch. I let him know they went well and I even had time to decorate my house for Christmas. This is when he got weird. He didn’t understand why I didn’t meet up with him after I left the city……. Because I was helping my friend an hour away from the city……. He then told me that he swore we made plans to meet at 4pm that day. We did not. Then he told me that I should have told him we were going to meet up because he waited around all day and stayed in instead of going out with his friends because of me.

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He was way beyond done here with me and this is when I had to be honest. I waited a day to do this hoping he would get the hint after being so rude.

When I was honest with Verizon that I no longer wanted to see him, it was a pleasure to meet him but I saw this going no where since he was leaving in the Spring, he thought we still had something and wanted to meet up and talk about it because it felt there was a connection and it would be a shame to give up so easily. I did not feel this connection. I felt no connection because he didn’t listen to a thing I said. This is when I had to be a little mean and tell him I felt no connection, we would not be meeting and it was nice to meet him. Thank goodness, he ended it there but this where I can see where people don’t want to be honest because they get put in weird situations like that.  intuition by Rocio Bacino

I’ve tried so much harder these last few years to be honest with guys but some of them don’t like the word no or don’t like being shut down. They will continue to try to talk to you even after you’ve told them you aren’t interested. They will ask for more explanations then I feel that we should give them. But I will still be honest because I know what it feels like when someone isn’t.


What Is Honesty?

Lately I’ve been trying to figure out what Honesty truly means. I’m getting so many mixed signals from guys that I feel like I don’t really understand the true meaning of honesty. The Webster Dictionary defines it as: fairness and straightforwardness. So, why is it that not what people use it for.

I’ve been trying really hard to be honest with guys that I’m not interested in or no longer want to see but some guys don’t get the hint. But then, when I do decide to go out with a guy, I don’t get the same honesty back. Instead, I get stood up, not once but twice.


At the end of last year, a guy reached out to me and came on pretty strong. I was genuinely interested in this guy and actually wanted to meet him for dinner eventually. We talked for about a week, mostly me carrying on the conversation while he answered questions about himself. That was the first red flag. I finally asked him when we would meet and go on an actual date. He told me we could do something that Friday. Just so you know, it was Tuesday when we made these plans.

The following day I got one of the worst phone calls while at work. I had to make the decision to put my dog to sleep. My poor little Ava was ready to go to Doggy Heaven. I never heard from my date that day but I was too busy crying anyways. The following day I didn’t hear from him either but he was still watching my Instagram stories. Another red flag. Friday came and still no word from him. I was about to write him off but then noticed he had sent me quite a few snapchats. He even sent them the day after we were supposed to go out. We started talking through snapchat this time. Again, I owned up and asked if we could go out and made plans for this past Sunday. Sunday came and we were still snapchatting most of the day. Once I was done volunteering and made it home I asked if he still wanted to do something. If you aren’t aware you can tell when someone opens your snap and he opened it right after I sent it. And, he didn’t respond.

I don’t understand how someone can carry on a conversation and make plans then completely ghost them. I guess I expect honesty since I’m honest with people I’m not interested in. This could have totally ruined my self-esteem but I didn’t let it. I remind myself that every thing I have is because of me. I know what I bring to the table and I know I deserve someone that wants my time. A really good just told me “You are worth someone’s time. You aren’t a waste of time.”


Being honest has become so hard for some people that it’s easier for people to lie or just “disappear”. We don’t like to hurt people’s feelings but when we aren’t honest it just hurts them more. We need to be more honest because the less honest guys are with girls the longer we want to stay single and far, far away from dating.


Next week, I’ll tell you about when I’ve been honest with guys and how it just didn’t work out that well for me.

The Bartender

So, I’ve had a rough start to the first of the year and a hard time wanting to write anything but I’ve always found humor helps me through rough times. I’m going to tell you the story about the Bartender. The guy I thought was pretty close to perfect except a few small things. Thinking back about this Bartender makes me laugh and I hope it will make you laugh too.

My friend and I planned a spur of the moment trip to the beach one weekend after “Two Faced” tried to break my heart once again. A friend once told me “the best way to get over one man was to get under another.” I didn’t get under Bartender but it did help me for a couple of months, even though he didn’t last that long. At the beach I had to go to one of my favorite restaurants which was walking distance from our hotel. If anyone knows me they know my all time favorite thing to do is eat!! Food is my favorite besides my dog!

We get to the restaurant and sit at the bar and I immediately recognize the bartender from 4 months ago. I found him attractive then and this time I had the best wing woman with me! My friend and I sat at that bar the whole night while I flirted with the bartender. We ended up exchanging numbers and the manager even asked my friend and I to come back for breakfast the next morning. Of course, we went back for breakfast because I also have a love for bloody Mary’s.

At breakfast the bartender waited on us and we stayed far longer than we planned to. The bartender comped our entire breakfast and then even gave us a ride back to the hotel. I felt so much better after having Two Faced break me down. When we got home, Bartender called me and we would talk on the phone during the week for hours. We ended up planning a date that week and met halfway between the beach and my work.

I was really excited to meet Bartender again and we had a great dinner. On my way home I was still somewhat excited but felt like there was something wrong.

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He continued to call me and we planned a second date. We met once again halfway but this time it was different. I arrived at the restaurant and Bartender kissed me as soon as he saw me. We sat down and after 5 minutes I was ready to go home. He did the weirdest things at dinner and I realized his voice was very, very high pitch. He also kept repeating the same phrase in his high pitch voice “done and done.” We left dinner and he kissed me outside of my car and that was the last straw for me. His breath was horrid. I got in my car and knew then I did not want to see Bartender again.

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Slowly I laid off the texting and calls with Bartender and he eventually went two weeks without talking to me. This is when I thought we were done talking and I wouldn’t hear from him again. Nope, he decided to text me and ask me about a trip he thought I was on and I got even more annoyed that he didn’t listen to what I had said. I know, it had been over two weeks since we had spoken but who reaches out to someone two weeks after not saying a word to them. I did finally tell Bartender I was no longer interested in him but of course would randomly get texts from him that I didn’t answer.

Bartender had a lot of other red flags that I didn’t mention but then he was also probably a rebound that didn’t last very long. I realized shortly after this that when I did go on dates with guys they usually never made it past the second date. Also, I know I’m picky but I also know what I bring to the table and know what I don’t want.

One of my friends would always ask me about my dates, who I was dating and would listen to my horrible dating stories. She was the sweetest, friendliest and light up any room she came into. I remember the day I told her about bartender and telling her when I no longer wanted to date him. We always had laughs about my dates and I’ll really miss telling her about them now. Now she can watch over me while I go on these dates and hopefully prevent me from the crazies!!

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Short Lived Big

Sometimes when you’re expecting nothing at all something great comes along. The person that finally makes you feel comfortable with who you are and you get this gleam of hope that they might work out. Before starting this blog my friends would tell me I needed to watch Sex and the City because I sounded like Carrie Bradshaw. So, over the summer I began watching all the episodes and movies. I am now obsessed with shoes and Carrie Bradshaw. Thank you friends!! Carrie had her Big, which of course she ends up happily ever after. Everything was a chance meeting with him. This is where I will tell you about My Big, however, it was very short lived.

My friends invited me to their river house for the weekend. I had no expectations of meeting anyone since the last few months and years hadn’t been the greatest with dating. Saturday, we took the boats out and headed to their favorite restaurant on the water. The day was filled with “swamp juice”, tubing, pushing my friend off the boat, swimming, wakeboarding and avoiding crab pots. We came back to the house to lay by the pool and it was surrounded with people that we didn’t know. I sat down to start my people watching and my friend came over and told me I had to come meet the hottest guy in the world. I was slightly terrified to meet anyone because I looked a “hot mess.” No make-up, sunburnt, and still slightly drunk from the “swamp juice”.

We walk over to “the hottest guy in the world” and she introduces me. Lots of babble came out of my mouth because he actually was the hottest guy in the world and I was at that moment the most awkward girl in the world. He was tall, tan, in shape, great smile, gorgeous voice and  beautiful eyes. He also had other great qualities and reminded me of Carrie’s Big so I’ll call him “Big.” Standing there trying not to be any more awkward than I already was and thinking there is no way this guy can be slightly interested in this hot mess, he walks over and starts a conversation. We end up having a really fun time. A enough fun that he invited me back to his friends to eat. I, of course, thought he just felt bad for me and was trying to be nice. The night came to an end with Big taking me back to my friends and no numbers were exchanged. I was perfectly fine with this ending. I had a great night with a gorgeous guy and it was a total confidence booster.


The following week my friend would occasionally ask me if I had heard from Big but I knew I probably never would. I’ve learned that if someone is interested in you and wants to talk to you, they will. Big did not ask me for my number that night and he hadn’t tried to get my number since that night. Or did he…… About a month had gone by since that weekend and I came into work with an email from my boss. Supposedly, Big had been asking his friend to try to get in contact with me for a while. I now had Big’s number. Again, I’m still thinking I have no chance with this guy and this has to be a joke. I text Big and we end up setting up a date for the following day.

What does every girl want to do when they have a date with the hottest guy in the world? Look gorgeous of course. I tried, I don’t think I succeeded but I tried.  When I met Big at the restaurant the hostess gave me the bitchiest look ever when she saw him walk in and hug me. (He was that type of hot!) We chose to sit outside to enjoy the view. This is where my trying and not succeeding at looking gorgeous comes in. It was HOT! Really, really HOT! I was sweating my imaginary balls off and really wanted to go sit inside in the air condition. Thank goodness, Big did not complain about my decision. The date ended and we parted ways with him telling me it was good catching up with me. Being a girl, we always read way more into detail than we should sometimes. The end of this date confirmed my assumption that Big was really not interested in me and I was way out of my league with him. I also didn’t hear from him at all the following day. This is where I should have given up. But, I didn’t. I ended up texting Big that night about my canceled weekend plans and he invited me out on his boat the next day! Pity invite or not I was completely blown away and jumped at the chance to hang out with him again.

I arrived at the dock on time and ready to go. We got loaded into the boat and headed out into the river. Within a couple of minutes of cruising on the river the boat cuts off by itself. This should have been a sign of what would happen between us, right? We made the best out of a sucky boat situation and still had a great day. I even met some of his friends. Once we finally got back to the dock, (Big looked like he was jacking the boat off the whole way back by the way), he hugged me goodbye and that was it. Again, totally confused that this guy clearly can’t be into me, I should have let it go. I should have left it alone from the first date but sometimes girls get these things called feelings. By the way, feelings are stupid! The second week went a little better and there was a small increase in texts from Big. He invited me out again on his boat and I promptly accepted again.

The second time on the boat it ran without turning off on its own. Maybe he just took me out a second time to show me his boat actually did run since clearly there wasn’t a third time. We went out to lunch with his friends, which I thought were awesome. This time around Big was a lot more physical and it’s exactly what I wanted because: 1. He was gorgeous and I thought way out of my league, 2. I finally felt comfortable with a guy again and he made me feel normal. We ended our day on the river and Big invited me back to his place. I was ecstatic. Of course, the visit to his place was well worth it on so many levels. I headed home at the end of the day on cloud 9. This guy seemed perfect. Yea, maybe he wasn’t the best texter or a planner but he had finally been the guy to break down some of my walls and allow me to be myself around him. Like I said, I finally felt comfortable with someone and I could be open and honest with him. Clearly, there were red flags but they were so small I told myself to stop being so cautious and picky. This backfired on me of course.

The next weekend came around and it was a holiday weekend so I had an extra day off. I thought by now we were hitting it off we would probably do something together. We hadn’t made plans but every time before they were so last minute it didn’t bother me. It did a little in my head because I am a planner but I was trying to live in the moment. I went back to my friend’s river house that weekend and barely heard from Big. He did finally show up later that night with his friends and was really sweet and normal for the most part. He even invited me on the boat the next day. Again, I was excited. This time though I was allowing myself to get more excited than the previous times because I thought to myself “Oh, maybe I’ll get to keep this one!”, “Maybe, this one actually likes me!” I was wrong….. soooooo wrong. The next day came and I woke up to a text from Big saying that I should just go home because he didn’t know his plans for the day and didn’t want me to be stranded or have to do something I didn’t want. This was a blow but I was going to be ok. Then while getting ready to pack up and leave I see his boat pull in to his friends across the cove. I also find out he has another girl on that boat with him. This blow just got a little harder. Clearly, Big wasn’t into me as much as I thought. So, what do most girls do when this happens? Every bad thought possible runs through your mind. I wanted to go home and get as far away from everything as possible.

Later that day, I ended up finding out exactly who was on that boat. I found out more than I wanted and saw more than I cared to. Big and I only went out a couple of times but this one almost broke me. It wasn’t because of Big or the fact he decided to go back to his ex-girlfriend and not be honest with me. It was because I had finally let my walls down and was finally letting someone in. I was allowing myself to be vulnerable and have those stupid things called feelings again. After Big, I told myself what I had told myself before: never ever let someone have that much control over you or your emotions. This time though I had to stick to it!


Big was a nice guy with really funny friends. He did finally tell me about him and the ex-girlfriend reconciling and we left it at that. When my friends ask me if I’ve heard from him months after this ordeal, I tell them no, I know I never will. My Short Lived Big was another lesson learned. Don’t dive too deep too soon. Remember the red flags. If someone truly is interested in you, they will make the effort to talk to you, hang out with you and be with you. My short time with Big was fun, it could have been so much worse. As I always tell my dad: “One day I’ll find a guy with his own motorboat.” Big just wasn’t it.

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The Blind Date

We all have those friends that try to set us up with someone they know. They think we would be a perfect match or have a lot in common. In most of these cases it never works out for me. Except, this one time. Clearly, I’m not still with this said person but this blind set up actually turned into a relationship for 6 quick months. We will refer to him as Justin Bobby. I call him this because he had two first names.

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One of my good friends asked me if I would be interested in meeting her soon to be brother in law. I had seen no pictures and knew absolutely nothing about him. This was a complete first for me and I thought would be a fun experience. I arrive at the restaurant and get ready to walk down the stairs and lock eyes with this really cute guy. Low and behold this guy is my blind date!!! I’d say I saw stars or fireworks but that would be a lie. We did however, instantly click. I left there feeling like I was on cloud 9 and couldn’t wait to see him again. We began dating and he was a complete gentleman. Soon after, he invited me to go with him to Atlanta to meet more of his family and to go to a football game. This was a dream weekend for me. Even if plans got messed up, I still had an amazing time just being with him. Justin Bobby was in the military (I had a thing for those at one point) and was stationed in another state. Occasionally, I would drive down to see him or he would come up to see me and his family. Everything became so normal and comfortable so fast but this is when I started noticing the real Justin Bobby.

I always give relationships 3 months at the max. Usually, within 3 months you can figure out who that person truly is because the newness starts wearing off and their true colors come out. Justin Bobby was very, very much into sex. He was also very much into sleeping. At the beginning of our relationship we went places and did things but now 3 months down the road he only wanted to have sex and sleep. The sleeping part annoyed me to no end. The new year came and I was moving into my new house. I asked Justin Bobby if he would help me move. His response wasn’t a yes or no but “did he really have to”. So, I asked other people to help me to move. Clearly, our spark was dying along with our whole relationship. I did like that he would occasionally surprise me. I came home once with a new pair of workout shoes on my front porch!!

One day while Justin Bobby was comfortably sleeping on my couch, I remember looking at him and thinking this is going no where and never will. The thought quickly left my mind because I thought this was normal now and I thought I loved him. Valentines was fast approaching and two days it before Justin Bobby sent me chocolate covered strawberries. Sweet right?! The next day I received a text from Justin Bobby and this is exactly what it said: “I don’t know how I’m going to break up with this girl.  I don’t even know why I want to break up with her, she’s a really awesome cook.” Yes, this is how Justin Bobby broke up with me. By a text that was supposedly for someone else. I immediately called him and asked him about this text and he acted really confused and worried. I told Justin Bobby to never call me again and hung up the phone.

My wonderful friend came over that night with pizza and a movie to make me feel better. The horrible part though, I wasn’t even sad. Have you ever seen the movie The Holiday with Cameron Diaz where her boyfriend breaks up with her and she’s trying to force herself to cry???

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That was me. I genuinely wasn’t upset about the whole thing because in the back of my mind I knew it needed to happen. Maybe not in the way that it did but then you guys wouldn’t be so lucky to read about it! My birthday was coming up and my parents planned this awesome trip that Justin Bobby was supposed to go on. This is also when I decided to rescue my dog Cooper.


See how cute he is!!!!

Right before my trip Justin Bobby reached out to me. He said he really missed me and wanted to see me again. We met up, talked it out and I thought we were going to start dating again. Wrong. Guys, Justin Bobby is the reason why girls think guys only want one thing. Justin Bobby wanted that one thing but he asked if he could take me to dinner for it, buy me a new purse, new shoes or a watch. He didn’t want the relationship title just blow jobs and sex. This was not what I wanted clearly. I wanted him to tell me he loved me after that 6-month period. His response: “I don’t love you, I never loved you and never will.” Stab me right in the heart why don’t you! This is probably where I’ve gotten my black soul from. This whole relationship.

my soul is black... like the night sky. infinite, full of mystery & twinkling stars :)

Eventually, Justin Bobby found some other poor girl and I only say poor girl because I found out after he had been dating her for longer than him and I, he cheated on her. He actually told me this himself. Of course, while he was deployed he tried to reach out to me and say he would buy me things again if I sent him pictures. At this point all of my niceness had worn off because of him and other wonderful men. When he came home he asked me out to dinner. I told him I would think about it and almost picked a day a time only to blow him off last minute. Truthfully, I wanted him to feel the burn that he caused me. He was not happy at all with this burn and I soon blocked him after that.

Justin Bobby taught me to trust my gut and always remember that 3-month rule. I’ve actually gotten it down to a 2-3 date rule now but sometimes a few might slip through the cracks. He also eventually in the long run taught me again to stand up for myself and not let someone physically take advantage of me. I got to experience some pretty cool things with Justin Bobby but I’m also glad I didn’t settle or try to push him to be in a relationship that was going nowhere. Sometimes blind dates can go really bad but sometimes they teach you more about yourself.

I used to believe every word you said Ricardo.You were my Knight in Shining Armor and Prince Charming..I was your Cheerleader/Best Friend/Toy and even Mistress..then your lies destroyed the fantasy image of you..  #ByeRicardo #IWishIKnewTheRealYouAndNotTheFakeOne

Being More Independent

With the holiday’s fast approaching and the cold weather bearing down on us what do singles want that they don’t have? A relationship or someone they can cuddle up to when it’s cold, go see Christmas lights, the Nutcracker, or exchange gifts with. For some odd reason we always want someone around the holidays. So, today we’ll talk about ways to be more independent.

We’ve always been taught since a young age that being alone is a bad thing. That we will always need someone to help us but then when there isn’t someone there to help you what happens? You get through it alone and you’re fine. There have been numerous times where I really want to ask for help, I’ve even asked for help or reached out for it and got nothing back. Those nights where you’ve had the worst day and so many terrible things start crashing down around you and you just want someone there for you. But sometimes there is no one and in those times, you have to pull through it on your own. These times are tests to show you that you can actually get through things without having someone help you or do it for you. They allow you to become stronger so the next time you’re faced with a problem you don’t think you can deal with, you actually can.

Some of you may have read about my first Solo Trip here on my blog. That trip was what pushed me to be more independent. Yes, it may have been nice to have someone with me while walking around that city but that’s not what I set out to accomplish. Over the last few years I’ve learned so much more about myself by doing things on my own. I am no longer scared to try something new without someone else doing it before me. I am willing to make new friends and go places alone. I’ve actually learned that sometimes you really need those alone moments to get yourself together. Here are a few things that I’ve personally done alone and think anyone can do:

          Go out to dinner

          Go to a museum

          Take a walk around the city

          Go shopping

          Volunteer (this is currently my new favorite thing to do!)

          Go workout

          Sign up for a class

          Go get ice cream

          Wonder around the grocery store

          Adopt a dog (but only if you’re ready for the commitment)


I have so many things I am willing to do alone now since realizing I don’t always need someone to hold my hand along the way. Being in relationships and dating has taught me this also. We are so terrified of being alone that when we are alone we don’t know what to do with ourselves. People have become so accustom to constantly being with someone they don’t know who they are without them. I used to want to spend so much time with the guys I was in a relationship with because I missed that feeling of happiness when I wasn’t with them. I became dependent on wanting to do whatever they wanted and would bend just to hopefully satisfy them. When I got out of those relationships I felt so lost in my own life because I changed it to fit into theirs. This is when I realized I needed to be ok with being alone and I needed to be more independent. I have accomplished so much in the last few years that I never thought I would alone. I’ve been through major life changes and always thought growing up that when these things would come along I’d have someone by my side helping me along the way. But, those changes came and I conquered them all by myself. If I can do it, anyone can. One day I will find that someone to stand next to me through more changes but as of right now I am pretty darn proud of how far I’ve come all by myself!



Not Every Guy Will Get A Story

I’ve had some horrible dates in my life but I’ve also had some amazing ones. I’ve had bad luck with the men that I end up with but I’ve also had wonderful relationships with others. Not every guy will end up on my blog. The ones that will not be on here are guys that I really feel in love with, hard and deep. These guys will always hold a special place in my heart that I will keep and cherish forever. The relationships I had with them do not compare to the guys I write about on my blog. They were my favorite, biggest lessons and hardest break ups I have ever gone through in my life. I want to keep those ones to myself so I can always look back and remember what I learned from them. These I will carry into new relationships because they helped me grow into who I am today. So, I will tell you what I learned from them, just not about them.



Relationship aren’t always roses and butterflies, or fireworks and happy endings. Sometimes we have amazing relationships with people, but they come to an end. It could be mutual or one person deciding what is best for them. In my favorite relationships the biggest thing I learned was communication. Communication in your relationship about your feelings and what you’re thinking is so much better than letting it bottle up inside of you. Be honest and don’t think if you stick around a little longer, things will change. Lots of people get in relationships thinking they can change people. They realize a few months or years down the road that even though they started their relationship sitting on the couch every weekend, that’s not what they want. You have to remember that if you allow someone to do something in the beginning, they won’t understand the change later on. You need to always speak up and let them know what you’re thinking. Do not avoid telling them something because they might get mad. They’ll be even more mad when they find out later. Having your friends there for you during hard times can be good but then they can also give you the worst advice. Always trust your gut because at the end of the day you are the one that has to live with the decision you made for yourself.

My favorite relationships were the best and worst times in my life. We all have seasons of growth and I grew more during those relationships than any of these crappy dates. I realized I should never settle just to make someone else happy. Remember, you need to make yourself happy because that’s who you’ll be spending the rest of your life with.