The End of the Beginning

Forgive People

Have you ever been in the middle of a date and wondered how you got to that point? Or why did you agree to do this? Dating is uncomfortable and when it’s not with the right person, it’s not always fun. I have been on so many dates with so many different “types” of guys.

Some dates were fun, but others no so much. I would count down the minutes until it was over!

Every date was a learning experience and I don’t regret any of them at all. I’ve met a lot of wonderful people that I pray will find their perfect match.

When I think back on all my dates I always try to put them in order. What got me to this point in my life? Who has shaped my way of thinking about relationships? What has made me feel this way about dating? I have recently made some comical realizations about my dating life, and I want to share them on here for the world. Laughing alone isn’t nearly as fun.

I think I have dated all types men, starting with pretty boys, to rednecks, even a couple sweethearts. Then there’s the handful of assholes. But who hasn’t dated a jerk or two? It all began with my first real boyfriend. The first boy I gave my heart to, the first time I said “I love you,”  the one that held my hand and I spent an entire year of my life with. Boyfriend number 1 will be referred to as “Bean”

I met Bean through mutual family friends while I was in high school. Although that was clearly ages ago, the experiences I had through out that year of my life taught me quite a few things. When we’re young , we like to think we know everything and we can plan our entire future. Bean was my first real boyfriend and I thought he was going to be my last. Thank goodness, he wasn’t! Bean had that tough guy attitude and raced motocross. He drove a truck and made me feel like I was the luckiest girl in the world, that was until the real Bean came out.

My  first Valentine’s day with my first real boyfriend. I wanted to look beautiful for him so I put on make-up and wore my cutest outfit. Bean came to pick me up for dinner and while at dinner I’m expecting a nice night maybe a compliment or something but it turned into a night of tears. Bean told me that I looked hideous with make-up on and to never wear it again. When I look back at it now this is where the controlling part began. I always went to all of Bean’s races and was supportive of everything he did. My whole young world revolved around him and everything he wanted to do. He wanted to get married as soon as I was old enough and he would remind me often. This is where I realized I didn’t want to be with Bean anymore. I started to get my own voice and Bean did not like it. One morning while we were just sitting around he asked me to do something and I replied with a “No”. Bean did not like that answer since he always got his way and elbowed me right in the mouth. I jumped up mortified and couldn’t believe what had happened and ran to the bathroom while he was yelling at me on the way there. He eventually apologized and I accepted his apology.

A  few weeks later he got upset about something he was working on in the garage and while I was just sitting there watching him work , he decided to throw a wrench at me. I ran inside the house and his dad hearing the noise ran out and to yell at Bean . I still stayed with Bean  even after all the hurtful things he said and did, but one day I finally realized I didn’t want to stay there forever and be  afraid of a man. A man who thought it was normal  hurting me, insulting me and making me feel insecure. No woman should ever be scared of the person they are with.

Bean  and I finally broke up over the  summer.  That year I realized I needed to stand up for myself, I should never be afraid of a man, if I want to wear make-up to make myself feel extra pretty, then I can wear make-up, and that I was allowed to be happy.

Guys should not try to make you feel insecure about your choices or how you look , and what you wear. If you aren’t happy in your situation, you have to stay that way.   We should never settle, we deserve all the happiness. Go out there and live your life! Be happy!

Bean  might have done some wrong things , but I can move on from that. I learned from all of those things. Remember , you can forgive people but that doesn’t mean you have to accept  their behavior or trust them. You should forgive them for yourself, so you can let go and move on with your life.

Forgive People

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