Can you hear me now?

In my last blog I mentioned telling you all about when I was honest with guys and how it completely back fired on me. So, I will tell you about the most recent one. We will call him Verizon.

Verizon was another set up from a mutual friend. I swear my friends think I’m going to die alone or something. We started with texts then made plans for dinner. I liked that he picked the place even though when I browsed the menu beforehand I didn’t find anything I was crazy about on the menu. We had a great date but again he looked nothing like his pictures online. I also found out that he would be leaving in the Spring. We made plans to go out for brunch a few days after our first date. I arrived at the restaurant at the designated time and let Verizon know I was there. He ended up calling me and saying I didn’t know you would be there so soon. We had arranged a time and I met there at that exact time. So, I sat in my car for 20 minutes waiting for him to get to the restaurant. He pulled up and got out of his car and I watched him walk inside. I had already told him I was sitting in my car. By this time, I had this gut feeling that I was already over this guy and our date and didn’t want to be here. But, I still went because I can’t be that mean of a person…. yet.

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Inside, we sat at the bar and ordered some drinks and started our casual conversation. This is where Verizon earns his name. I was telling Verizon about my friend’s birthday I had been to the night before. I told him who was there and what we did. Right after I ended that sentence Verizon asked me “So, who all was there. How many people?” I looked at him confused and before I could stop myself said “Really?” He looked offended clearly. I told him I had literally just told him that and he still looked at my confused like I hadn’t said anything to him.

This was it. The line that disconnected me from Verizon. I no longer wanted to be with him anywhere or ever again. He asked me what I was doing that day and I told him I was helping a friend re-do her furniture. Again, he looked at me confused and stated basically I couldn’t possibly be able to do something like that. I told him we were antiquing her furniture and making it “Shabby Chic.” He then told me he didn’t know what that was and didn’t believe what I was saying so he proceeded to google it to prove me wrong. I told Verizon that my friend lived near where we were eating but we would be working on the furniture at her mom’s house which was down where I lived but further past me. When we left he tried to make plans for later that afternoon and I told him I would let him know but never confirmed any plans.

Later that afternoon, Verizon texted me asking how the renovations were going. I know I shouldn’t have gotten annoyed but I did because of our previous conversations at Brunch. I let him know they went well and I even had time to decorate my house for Christmas. This is when he got weird. He didn’t understand why I didn’t meet up with him after I left the city……. Because I was helping my friend an hour away from the city……. He then told me that he swore we made plans to meet at 4pm that day. We did not. Then he told me that I should have told him we were going to meet up because he waited around all day and stayed in instead of going out with his friends because of me.

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He was way beyond done here with me and this is when I had to be honest. I waited a day to do this hoping he would get the hint after being so rude.

When I was honest with Verizon that I no longer wanted to see him, it was a pleasure to meet him but I saw this going no where since he was leaving in the Spring, he thought we still had something and wanted to meet up and talk about it because it felt there was a connection and it would be a shame to give up so easily. I did not feel this connection. I felt no connection because he didn’t listen to a thing I said. This is when I had to be a little mean and tell him I felt no connection, we would not be meeting and it was nice to meet him. Thank goodness, he ended it there but this where I can see where people don’t want to be honest because they get put in weird situations like that.  intuition by Rocio Bacino

I’ve tried so much harder these last few years to be honest with guys but some of them don’t like the word no or don’t like being shut down. They will continue to try to talk to you even after you’ve told them you aren’t interested. They will ask for more explanations then I feel that we should give them. But I will still be honest because I know what it feels like when someone isn’t.



What Is Honesty?

Lately I’ve been trying to figure out what Honesty truly means. I’m getting so many mixed signals from guys that I feel like I don’t really understand the true meaning of honesty. The Webster Dictionary defines it as: fairness and straightforwardness. So, why is it that not what people use it for.

I’ve been trying really hard to be honest with guys that I’m not interested in or no longer want to see but some guys don’t get the hint. But then, when I do decide to go out with a guy, I don’t get the same honesty back. Instead, I get stood up, not once but twice.


At the end of last year, a guy reached out to me and came on pretty strong. I was genuinely interested in this guy and actually wanted to meet him for dinner eventually. We talked for about a week, mostly me carrying on the conversation while he answered questions about himself. That was the first red flag. I finally asked him when we would meet and go on an actual date. He told me we could do something that Friday. Just so you know, it was Tuesday when we made these plans.

The following day I got one of the worst phone calls while at work. I had to make the decision to put my dog to sleep. My poor little Ava was ready to go to Doggy Heaven. I never heard from my date that day but I was too busy crying anyways. The following day I didn’t hear from him either but he was still watching my Instagram stories. Another red flag. Friday came and still no word from him. I was about to write him off but then noticed he had sent me quite a few snapchats. He even sent them the day after we were supposed to go out. We started talking through snapchat this time. Again, I owned up and asked if we could go out and made plans for this past Sunday. Sunday came and we were still snapchatting most of the day. Once I was done volunteering and made it home I asked if he still wanted to do something. If you aren’t aware you can tell when someone opens your snap and he opened it right after I sent it. And, he didn’t respond.

I don’t understand how someone can carry on a conversation and make plans then completely ghost them. I guess I expect honesty since I’m honest with people I’m not interested in. This could have totally ruined my self-esteem but I didn’t let it. I remind myself that every thing I have is because of me. I know what I bring to the table and I know I deserve someone that wants my time. A really good just told me “You are worth someone’s time. You aren’t a waste of time.”


Being honest has become so hard for some people that it’s easier for people to lie or just “disappear”. We don’t like to hurt people’s feelings but when we aren’t honest it just hurts them more. We need to be more honest because the less honest guys are with girls the longer we want to stay single and far, far away from dating.


Next week, I’ll tell you about when I’ve been honest with guys and how it just didn’t work out that well for me.


The Bartender

So, I’ve had a rough start to the first of the year and a hard time wanting to write anything but I’ve always found humor helps me through rough times. I’m going to tell you the story about the Bartender. The guy I thought was pretty close to perfect except a few small things. Thinking back about this Bartender makes me laugh and I hope it will make you laugh too.

My friend and I planned a spur of the moment trip to the beach one weekend after “Two Faced” tried to break my heart once again. A friend once told me “the best way to get over one man was to get under another.” I didn’t get under Bartender but it did help me for a couple of months, even though he didn’t last that long. At the beach I had to go to one of my favorite restaurants which was walking distance from our hotel. If anyone knows me they know my all time favorite thing to do is eat!! Food is my favorite besides my dog!

We get to the restaurant and sit at the bar and I immediately recognize the bartender from 4 months ago. I found him attractive then and this time I had the best wing woman with me! My friend and I sat at that bar the whole night while I flirted with the bartender. We ended up exchanging numbers and the manager even asked my friend and I to come back for breakfast the next morning. Of course, we went back for breakfast because I also have a love for bloody Mary’s.

At breakfast the bartender waited on us and we stayed far longer than we planned to. The bartender comped our entire breakfast and then even gave us a ride back to the hotel. I felt so much better after having Two Faced break me down. When we got home, Bartender called me and we would talk on the phone during the week for hours. We ended up planning a date that week and met halfway between the beach and my work.

I was really excited to meet Bartender again and we had a great dinner. On my way home I was still somewhat excited but felt like there was something wrong.

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He continued to call me and we planned a second date. We met once again halfway but this time it was different. I arrived at the restaurant and Bartender kissed me as soon as he saw me. We sat down and after 5 minutes I was ready to go home. He did the weirdest things at dinner and I realized his voice was very, very high pitch. He also kept repeating the same phrase in his high pitch voice “done and done.” We left dinner and he kissed me outside of my car and that was the last straw for me. His breath was horrid. I got in my car and knew then I did not want to see Bartender again.

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Slowly I laid off the texting and calls with Bartender and he eventually went two weeks without talking to me. This is when I thought we were done talking and I wouldn’t hear from him again. Nope, he decided to text me and ask me about a trip he thought I was on and I got even more annoyed that he didn’t listen to what I had said. I know, it had been over two weeks since we had spoken but who reaches out to someone two weeks after not saying a word to them. I did finally tell Bartender I was no longer interested in him but of course would randomly get texts from him that I didn’t answer.

Bartender had a lot of other red flags that I didn’t mention but then he was also probably a rebound that didn’t last very long. I realized shortly after this that when I did go on dates with guys they usually never made it past the second date. Also, I know I’m picky but I also know what I bring to the table and know what I don’t want.

One of my friends would always ask me about my dates, who I was dating and would listen to my horrible dating stories. She was the sweetest, friendliest and light up any room she came into. I remember the day I told her about bartender and telling her when I no longer wanted to date him. We always had laughs about my dates and I’ll really miss telling her about them now. Now she can watch over me while I go on these dates and hopefully prevent me from the crazies!!

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Short Lived Big

Sometimes when you’re expecting nothing at all something great comes along. The person that finally makes you feel comfortable with who you are and you get this gleam of hope that they might work out. Before starting this blog my friends would tell me I needed to watch Sex and the City because I sounded like Carrie Bradshaw. So, over the summer I began watching all the episodes and movies. I am now obsessed with shoes and Carrie Bradshaw. Thank you friends!! Carrie had her Big, which of course she ends up happily ever after. Everything was a chance meeting with him. This is where I will tell you about My Big, however, it was very short lived.

My friends invited me to their river house for the weekend. I had no expectations of meeting anyone since the last few months and years hadn’t been the greatest with dating. Saturday, we took the boats out and headed to their favorite restaurant on the water. The day was filled with “swamp juice”, tubing, pushing my friend off the boat, swimming, wakeboarding and avoiding crab pots. We came back to the house to lay by the pool and it was surrounded with people that we didn’t know. I sat down to start my people watching and my friend came over and told me I had to come meet the hottest guy in the world. I was slightly terrified to meet anyone because I looked a “hot mess.” No make-up, sunburnt, and still slightly drunk from the “swamp juice”.

We walk over to “the hottest guy in the world” and she introduces me. Lots of babble came out of my mouth because he actually was the hottest guy in the world and I was at that moment the most awkward girl in the world. He was tall, tan, in shape, great smile, gorgeous voice and  beautiful eyes. He also had other great qualities and reminded me of Carrie’s Big so I’ll call him “Big.” Standing there trying not to be any more awkward than I already was and thinking there is no way this guy can be slightly interested in this hot mess, he walks over and starts a conversation. We end up having a really fun time. A enough fun that he invited me back to his friends to eat. I, of course, thought he just felt bad for me and was trying to be nice. The night came to an end with Big taking me back to my friends and no numbers were exchanged. I was perfectly fine with this ending. I had a great night with a gorgeous guy and it was a total confidence booster.


The following week my friend would occasionally ask me if I had heard from Big but I knew I probably never would. I’ve learned that if someone is interested in you and wants to talk to you, they will. Big did not ask me for my number that night and he hadn’t tried to get my number since that night. Or did he…… About a month had gone by since that weekend and I came into work with an email from my boss. Supposedly, Big had been asking his friend to try to get in contact with me for a while. I now had Big’s number. Again, I’m still thinking I have no chance with this guy and this has to be a joke. I text Big and we end up setting up a date for the following day.

What does every girl want to do when they have a date with the hottest guy in the world? Look gorgeous of course. I tried, I don’t think I succeeded but I tried.  When I met Big at the restaurant the hostess gave me the bitchiest look ever when she saw him walk in and hug me. (He was that type of hot!) We chose to sit outside to enjoy the view. This is where my trying and not succeeding at looking gorgeous comes in. It was HOT! Really, really HOT! I was sweating my imaginary balls off and really wanted to go sit inside in the air condition. Thank goodness, Big did not complain about my decision. The date ended and we parted ways with him telling me it was good catching up with me. Being a girl, we always read way more into detail than we should sometimes. The end of this date confirmed my assumption that Big was really not interested in me and I was way out of my league with him. I also didn’t hear from him at all the following day. This is where I should have given up. But, I didn’t. I ended up texting Big that night about my canceled weekend plans and he invited me out on his boat the next day! Pity invite or not I was completely blown away and jumped at the chance to hang out with him again.

I arrived at the dock on time and ready to go. We got loaded into the boat and headed out into the river. Within a couple of minutes of cruising on the river the boat cuts off by itself. This should have been a sign of what would happen between us, right? We made the best out of a sucky boat situation and still had a great day. I even met some of his friends. Once we finally got back to the dock, (Big looked like he was jacking the boat off the whole way back by the way), he hugged me goodbye and that was it. Again, totally confused that this guy clearly can’t be into me, I should have let it go. I should have left it alone from the first date but sometimes girls get these things called feelings. By the way, feelings are stupid! The second week went a little better and there was a small increase in texts from Big. He invited me out again on his boat and I promptly accepted again.

The second time on the boat it ran without turning off on its own. Maybe he just took me out a second time to show me his boat actually did run since clearly there wasn’t a third time. We went out to lunch with his friends, which I thought were awesome. This time around Big was a lot more physical and it’s exactly what I wanted because: 1. He was gorgeous and I thought way out of my league, 2. I finally felt comfortable with a guy again and he made me feel normal. We ended our day on the river and Big invited me back to his place. I was ecstatic. Of course, the visit to his place was well worth it on so many levels. I headed home at the end of the day on cloud 9. This guy seemed perfect. Yea, maybe he wasn’t the best texter or a planner but he had finally been the guy to break down some of my walls and allow me to be myself around him. Like I said, I finally felt comfortable with someone and I could be open and honest with him. Clearly, there were red flags but they were so small I told myself to stop being so cautious and picky. This backfired on me of course.

The next weekend came around and it was a holiday weekend so I had an extra day off. I thought by now we were hitting it off we would probably do something together. We hadn’t made plans but every time before they were so last minute it didn’t bother me. It did a little in my head because I am a planner but I was trying to live in the moment. I went back to my friend’s river house that weekend and barely heard from Big. He did finally show up later that night with his friends and was really sweet and normal for the most part. He even invited me on the boat the next day. Again, I was excited. This time though I was allowing myself to get more excited than the previous times because I thought to myself “Oh, maybe I’ll get to keep this one!”, “Maybe, this one actually likes me!” I was wrong….. soooooo wrong. The next day came and I woke up to a text from Big saying that I should just go home because he didn’t know his plans for the day and didn’t want me to be stranded or have to do something I didn’t want. This was a blow but I was going to be ok. Then while getting ready to pack up and leave I see his boat pull in to his friends across the cove. I also find out he has another girl on that boat with him. This blow just got a little harder. Clearly, Big wasn’t into me as much as I thought. So, what do most girls do when this happens? Every bad thought possible runs through your mind. I wanted to go home and get as far away from everything as possible.

Later that day, I ended up finding out exactly who was on that boat. I found out more than I wanted and saw more than I cared to. Big and I only went out a couple of times but this one almost broke me. It wasn’t because of Big or the fact he decided to go back to his ex-girlfriend and not be honest with me. It was because I had finally let my walls down and was finally letting someone in. I was allowing myself to be vulnerable and have those stupid things called feelings again. After Big, I told myself what I had told myself before: never ever let someone have that much control over you or your emotions. This time though I had to stick to it!


Big was a nice guy with really funny friends. He did finally tell me about him and the ex-girlfriend reconciling and we left it at that. When my friends ask me if I’ve heard from him months after this ordeal, I tell them no, I know I never will. My Short Lived Big was another lesson learned. Don’t dive too deep too soon. Remember the red flags. If someone truly is interested in you, they will make the effort to talk to you, hang out with you and be with you. My short time with Big was fun, it could have been so much worse. As I always tell my dad: “One day I’ll find a guy with his own motorboat.” Big just wasn’t it.

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The Blind Date

We all have those friends that try to set us up with someone they know. They think we would be a perfect match or have a lot in common. In most of these cases it never works out for me. Except, this one time. Clearly, I’m not still with this said person but this blind set up actually turned into a relationship for 6 quick months. We will refer to him as Justin Bobby. I call him this because he had two first names.

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One of my good friends asked me if I would be interested in meeting her soon to be brother in law. I had seen no pictures and knew absolutely nothing about him. This was a complete first for me and I thought would be a fun experience. I arrive at the restaurant and get ready to walk down the stairs and lock eyes with this really cute guy. Low and behold this guy is my blind date!!! I’d say I saw stars or fireworks but that would be a lie. We did however, instantly click. I left there feeling like I was on cloud 9 and couldn’t wait to see him again. We began dating and he was a complete gentleman. Soon after, he invited me to go with him to Atlanta to meet more of his family and to go to a football game. This was a dream weekend for me. Even if plans got messed up, I still had an amazing time just being with him. Justin Bobby was in the military (I had a thing for those at one point) and was stationed in another state. Occasionally, I would drive down to see him or he would come up to see me and his family. Everything became so normal and comfortable so fast but this is when I started noticing the real Justin Bobby.

I always give relationships 3 months at the max. Usually, within 3 months you can figure out who that person truly is because the newness starts wearing off and their true colors come out. Justin Bobby was very, very much into sex. He was also very much into sleeping. At the beginning of our relationship we went places and did things but now 3 months down the road he only wanted to have sex and sleep. The sleeping part annoyed me to no end. The new year came and I was moving into my new house. I asked Justin Bobby if he would help me move. His response wasn’t a yes or no but “did he really have to”. So, I asked other people to help me to move. Clearly, our spark was dying along with our whole relationship. I did like that he would occasionally surprise me. I came home once with a new pair of workout shoes on my front porch!!

One day while Justin Bobby was comfortably sleeping on my couch, I remember looking at him and thinking this is going no where and never will. The thought quickly left my mind because I thought this was normal now and I thought I loved him. Valentines was fast approaching and two days it before Justin Bobby sent me chocolate covered strawberries. Sweet right?! The next day I received a text from Justin Bobby and this is exactly what it said: “I don’t know how I’m going to break up with this girl.  I don’t even know why I want to break up with her, she’s a really awesome cook.” Yes, this is how Justin Bobby broke up with me. By a text that was supposedly for someone else. I immediately called him and asked him about this text and he acted really confused and worried. I told Justin Bobby to never call me again and hung up the phone.

My wonderful friend came over that night with pizza and a movie to make me feel better. The horrible part though, I wasn’t even sad. Have you ever seen the movie The Holiday with Cameron Diaz where her boyfriend breaks up with her and she’s trying to force herself to cry???

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That was me. I genuinely wasn’t upset about the whole thing because in the back of my mind I knew it needed to happen. Maybe not in the way that it did but then you guys wouldn’t be so lucky to read about it! My birthday was coming up and my parents planned this awesome trip that Justin Bobby was supposed to go on. This is also when I decided to rescue my dog Cooper.


See how cute he is!!!!

Right before my trip Justin Bobby reached out to me. He said he really missed me and wanted to see me again. We met up, talked it out and I thought we were going to start dating again. Wrong. Guys, Justin Bobby is the reason why girls think guys only want one thing. Justin Bobby wanted that one thing but he asked if he could take me to dinner for it, buy me a new purse, new shoes or a watch. He didn’t want the relationship title just blow jobs and sex. This was not what I wanted clearly. I wanted him to tell me he loved me after that 6-month period. His response: “I don’t love you, I never loved you and never will.” Stab me right in the heart why don’t you! This is probably where I’ve gotten my black soul from. This whole relationship.

my soul is black... like the night sky. infinite, full of mystery & twinkling stars :)

Eventually, Justin Bobby found some other poor girl and I only say poor girl because I found out after he had been dating her for longer than him and I, he cheated on her. He actually told me this himself. Of course, while he was deployed he tried to reach out to me and say he would buy me things again if I sent him pictures. At this point all of my niceness had worn off because of him and other wonderful men. When he came home he asked me out to dinner. I told him I would think about it and almost picked a day a time only to blow him off last minute. Truthfully, I wanted him to feel the burn that he caused me. He was not happy at all with this burn and I soon blocked him after that.

Justin Bobby taught me to trust my gut and always remember that 3-month rule. I’ve actually gotten it down to a 2-3 date rule now but sometimes a few might slip through the cracks. He also eventually in the long run taught me again to stand up for myself and not let someone physically take advantage of me. I got to experience some pretty cool things with Justin Bobby but I’m also glad I didn’t settle or try to push him to be in a relationship that was going nowhere. Sometimes blind dates can go really bad but sometimes they teach you more about yourself.

I used to believe every word you said Ricardo.You were my Knight in Shining Armor and Prince Charming..I was your Cheerleader/Best Friend/Toy and even Mistress..then your lies destroyed the fantasy image of you..  #ByeRicardo #IWishIKnewTheRealYouAndNotTheFakeOne


Being More Independent

With the holiday’s fast approaching and the cold weather bearing down on us what do singles want that they don’t have? A relationship or someone they can cuddle up to when it’s cold, go see Christmas lights, the Nutcracker, or exchange gifts with. For some odd reason we always want someone around the holidays. So, today we’ll talk about ways to be more independent.

We’ve always been taught since a young age that being alone is a bad thing. That we will always need someone to help us but then when there isn’t someone there to help you what happens? You get through it alone and you’re fine. There have been numerous times where I really want to ask for help, I’ve even asked for help or reached out for it and got nothing back. Those nights where you’ve had the worst day and so many terrible things start crashing down around you and you just want someone there for you. But sometimes there is no one and in those times, you have to pull through it on your own. These times are tests to show you that you can actually get through things without having someone help you or do it for you. They allow you to become stronger so the next time you’re faced with a problem you don’t think you can deal with, you actually can.

Some of you may have read about my first Solo Trip here on my blog. That trip was what pushed me to be more independent. Yes, it may have been nice to have someone with me while walking around that city but that’s not what I set out to accomplish. Over the last few years I’ve learned so much more about myself by doing things on my own. I am no longer scared to try something new without someone else doing it before me. I am willing to make new friends and go places alone. I’ve actually learned that sometimes you really need those alone moments to get yourself together. Here are a few things that I’ve personally done alone and think anyone can do:

          Go out to dinner

          Go to a museum

          Take a walk around the city

          Go shopping

          Volunteer (this is currently my new favorite thing to do!)

          Go workout

          Sign up for a class

          Go get ice cream

          Wonder around the grocery store

          Adopt a dog (but only if you’re ready for the commitment)


I have so many things I am willing to do alone now since realizing I don’t always need someone to hold my hand along the way. Being in relationships and dating has taught me this also. We are so terrified of being alone that when we are alone we don’t know what to do with ourselves. People have become so accustom to constantly being with someone they don’t know who they are without them. I used to want to spend so much time with the guys I was in a relationship with because I missed that feeling of happiness when I wasn’t with them. I became dependent on wanting to do whatever they wanted and would bend just to hopefully satisfy them. When I got out of those relationships I felt so lost in my own life because I changed it to fit into theirs. This is when I realized I needed to be ok with being alone and I needed to be more independent. I have accomplished so much in the last few years that I never thought I would alone. I’ve been through major life changes and always thought growing up that when these things would come along I’d have someone by my side helping me along the way. But, those changes came and I conquered them all by myself. If I can do it, anyone can. One day I will find that someone to stand next to me through more changes but as of right now I am pretty darn proud of how far I’ve come all by myself!




Not Every Guy Will Get A Story

I’ve had some horrible dates in my life but I’ve also had some amazing ones. I’ve had bad luck with the men that I end up with but I’ve also had wonderful relationships with others. Not every guy will end up on my blog. The ones that will not be on here are guys that I really feel in love with, hard and deep. These guys will always hold a special place in my heart that I will keep and cherish forever. The relationships I had with them do not compare to the guys I write about on my blog. They were my favorite, biggest lessons and hardest break ups I have ever gone through in my life. I want to keep those ones to myself so I can always look back and remember what I learned from them. These I will carry into new relationships because they helped me grow into who I am today. So, I will tell you what I learned from them, just not about them.



Relationship aren’t always roses and butterflies, or fireworks and happy endings. Sometimes we have amazing relationships with people, but they come to an end. It could be mutual or one person deciding what is best for them. In my favorite relationships the biggest thing I learned was communication. Communication in your relationship about your feelings and what you’re thinking is so much better than letting it bottle up inside of you. Be honest and don’t think if you stick around a little longer, things will change. Lots of people get in relationships thinking they can change people. They realize a few months or years down the road that even though they started their relationship sitting on the couch every weekend, that’s not what they want. You have to remember that if you allow someone to do something in the beginning, they won’t understand the change later on. You need to always speak up and let them know what you’re thinking. Do not avoid telling them something because they might get mad. They’ll be even more mad when they find out later. Having your friends there for you during hard times can be good but then they can also give you the worst advice. Always trust your gut because at the end of the day you are the one that has to live with the decision you made for yourself.

My favorite relationships were the best and worst times in my life. We all have seasons of growth and I grew more during those relationships than any of these crappy dates. I realized I should never settle just to make someone else happy. Remember, you need to make yourself happy because that’s who you’ll be spending the rest of your life with.



Dates I Never Went On

Dating is hard! Really, really hard!! Especially when you keep going on dates and haven’t found that person that will allow you stop dating. Some people have it really easy. A lot of my friends met their husbands in Middle School, High School or College. Clearly, I am the odd ball who didn’t get that lucky. So, instead I am the lucky girl that gets to go on dates to try to find that special someone. Sometimes while getting “prepared” for these said dates I get that horrible feeling in my stomach and decide I can’t go through with these dates. Here I will tell you about some of the dates I planned, but couldn’t go on and why.


I met Smartie while working out and we started chatting. We exchanged numbers and started texting throughout the week. At first everything was normal, easy going conversation but then everything moved really fast, within a day or two. Fast as in he wanted me to help him pick out furniture for his new apartment, a puppy and moving in together eventually. We hadn’t even been to dinner or talked in person other than the day I gave him my number. This threw up red flags immediately and I slowly started to back off. I eventually learned from previous girls he had dated that it was normal for him to do. He would occasionally pop back up on social media asking me how I was doing, I would respond and it would of course end in him asking me on a date while I ignored the request.

Mr. Cuddles

Mr. Cuddles was introduced to me by my boss. He was very polite and we had great conversation. We made plans to get drinks over the Halloween weekend. The day before Mr. Cuddles sent me a picture of him dressed up in his Halloween costume he planned to wear. Bright shorty shorts and a way too small hot pink shirt with a blonde wig. I immediately was turned off by his appearance. Although it was hilarious, I was no longer attracted to Mr. Cuddles. Saturday came and he told me that I would just come to his house before we went out for drinks with his friends. He also told me I could stay the night with him. First, this was going to be our first time hanging out in person and it wasn’t even going to be one on one anymore. Second, I didn’t want to stay the night with him on our so called “First Date.” After he told me this and that he couldn’t wait to get “Trashed” that night, I canceled on Mr. Cuddles. It didn’t end there. This is where Mr. Cuddles gets his name! Sunday morning, I received a text from Mr. Cuddles telling me how hung over he was and that he wished I was in his bed with him to….. CUDDLE. I might sound like a horrible person but I personally am not interested in cuddling with a grown man that hasn’t even taken me to dinner yet. Mr. Cuddles was clearly just looking for “Dessert” and cuddles of course.

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Creepy BBQ Guy

Creepy BBQ Guy doesn’t have a code name except for Creepy BBQ Guy because of his creepiness. I met this guy at a BBQ restaurant and we instantly clicked. Maybe it was the poor lighting and the fact that I had just worked a double shift at the end of an already 40-hour work week. Creepy BBQ Guy and I chatted for about an hour and then I had to leave so I gave him my number. He instantly texted me and then proceeded to keep texting me the entire night. I was trying really hard this time to not be so judgmental as I usually am. So, I would let a few of his messages slide by judge free. Text messages about his ex-fiancé, the amount of debt she put him in, how much money he makes, how much money he spends on his truck, his life, career goals and then making sure I made it home safely. He also repeatedly asked if I wanted to go for a ride in his truck that night. These texts all came within about 2 hours of meeting him and they were each a novel. My responses were short and sweet since he never once asked me about myself. He took it upon himself to make plans for us Sunday and I told him I would let him know. First thing Sunday morning, Creepy BBQ Guy texted me good morning asking me to let him know when I was ready to hang out. I ignored this text. He then texted me a couple of hours later asking me if I was ready to hang out. I ignored this text message also. Remember, I met this guy the night before, talked for an hour in person and then about 3 hours via text messages that were mostly him telling me about himself. A few more hours went by and I got the message: “Hey did I do something wrong? Are you ok?” I hoped if I ignored this last message he would get the hint. Monday came and went and I hadn’t received any texts from Creepy BBQ Guy. I thought, he got the hint. Tuesday morning, I received a text from a childhood friend asking if I was ok. I told him yes, of course I was. He then proceeded to tell me that his cousin had gotten a message from a guy that I had been dating and he hadn’t heard from me since Sunday and he was worried something had happened to me. First of all, how did this guy even know that I was friends with these people because I had no social media at the time. Secondly, we were NOT dating, we had met for an hour, texted for 3 and that was all!! I told my friend the whole story of how me met and the conversations we had and he instantly said this guy sounded super creepy. Hence the nickname!! My friend let his cousin know the situation so she never responded to him about me. The next day came and guess what?! Another text from Creepy BBQ Guy. “Hey.” I immediately blocked his number after that.


I met Hoover while waiting on him and his parents. Once they left I noticed Hoover had left his number on his receipt. I thought he was cute but really wanted to find out how old he was. Curiosity got the best of me so I texted him. Hoover was a smooth talker but he was almost 10 years younger than me. He wanted to meet up sometime during the week for dinner. I started to agree until I found out he lived 3 hours away. I slowly became uninterested in Hoover within a day when he started telling me that he could see himself with me for a long time and you never know what happens when you meet that special someone. I stopped responding to Hoover and this guy got the hint and did not continue to text me.

J. Neutron

My lovely friend decided to set me up with J. Neutron. I got a text one morning from her saying she had a nice guy I needed to meet. Of course, I gave in and let her give my number to him. She did at least send me a picture of him beforehand so I could put a face with a name. Over my years of dating I have this tendency to judge guys very easily on their texts. I have been trying very hard to change this. Within the same day of letting my friend give my number out, I received a text from a new number. This text had no name attached to it, just: “Hey is this Madison.” I replied back nicely and asked if it was the person I had been told had my number. Tip: when texting a new number for the first time please include your own name! J. Neutron was not the best at texting but I gave him the benefit of the doubt and continued the conversation. We planned our date for almost a week out. I did not hear from him the following day, again gave him the benefit of the doubt, so I text him the next day asking about his day. The conversation again went nowhere. That weekend I got a random text from him in the middle of the night that I didn’t respond to since it was weird. The next day, while at a party with my lovely friend, I told her about the text. Shortly after, I got a somewhat rude text from J. Neutron. I responded nicely which was rare with the thoughts in my head at this point. Also, I received texts from J. Neutron about how drunk he was getting. Sorry guys, this is a huge turn off for me if you couldn’t tell from Mr. Cuddles. The day of the date finally came and I waited around all day to hear from J. Neutron. I thought maybe he would text me to confirm our date or at least try to start some sort of conversation since we had so little during the week. Remember this date was planned almost a week ago. J. Neutron finally texted me less than 15 minutes before our “scheduled date.” By this time, I was done being polite and told him I couldn’t go on our date. This one really got the hint and I never heard from him again.

On a side note these dates that I never went on weren’t within a week or month. These were over a period of three years. Over these years, I have grown to learn what I want and don’t want in a guy. These guys will meet their “special someone” or “cuddle buddy” but I was not it.



Stand Out

There are some moments in your life when someone says something to you that will always stay in your mind. They can be encouraging words, or words that will hurt you. These words can change the way you think about yourself or other people. Women are already compared to each other in multiple ways; the color of our hair, eyes, what we’re wearing, who we spend our time with, how much we weigh, our relationships with men and many more things. So when the person you’re in a relationship with tells you something that changes the way you look at yourself in a negative way, it hurts. It really hurts. My first boyfriend after high school did just that, and we will refer to him as “Prince A.”
The first time I met Prince A was at a party at his house. I remember meeting him, talking to him and enjoying the whole night. About a week or so later I saw Prince A again, and he ended up asking me on a date. I was over the moon that this guy was at least a little bit interested in me. Interested enough to ask me out. We went to dinner and I thought it went okay but didn’t think a guy like him would be interested in me at all. Before he took me home that night, he asked me on a second date. Prince A pulled out all the stops and took me on the best dates I have probably ever been on. He knew how to wow a woman.
We formed a relationship and in time people ask you how did you meet. Prince A would start the story but when I corrected him and told him I had met him at his house for a party, but he said he didn’t remember. We had been in a relationship long enough to where I felt comfortable enough to ask him why he didn’t remember me and his response was, “I don’t know, you just didn’t stand out.” I dated Prince A for over a year and we ended up not seeing eye to eye with a lot of things in our relationship, but those words he said always stood out to me.

Other than never feeling pretty enough or important enough for Prince A, our relationship wasn’t horrible. We just weren’t meant for each other. But those words have stayed with me for years. I have always compared myself to other girls and wanted to be the best. It’s taken me a while, but I’m finally realizing that I am different for a reason, just like everyone else around me. I need to own the qualities I was given, and the things I have conquered and fought for all by myself. We don’t need someone else’s approval, although we sometimes strive for it. Just because someone might not think you stand out to them, doesn’t mean you don’t stand out. Everyone stands out in their own way.

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The Three Musketeers

Have you ever gone on a date with a guy with a specfic name and then every guy you meet after that with that name you don’t like? Try going out with three guys, with the same name in the same week! This is why they will be referred to as “The Three Musketeers.”

Date 1: Porthos
Porthos was one of the three musketeers that was fond of fashionable clothes and keen on making a fortune for himself. I went on a dinner date with a man that shared similar traits as Porthos , he liked to talk about money, traveling and having nice things. Hence, why I thought Porthos was the perfect name for him. I was meeting Porthos at a bar downtown and before I could even get out of the car he was insulting me from across the street. There were a few red flags in our conversation beforehand but for some reason I still showed up. We sat down and started the normal 1st date conversation. He did the tough guy act, trying to impress me with all he had to offer and whenever I would try to tell him about myself he would cut me off or insult me. Once we finished our drinks I thought we were done with the date. But, he asked me to get dinner with him across the street. I was starving, so I agreed. At dinner, the insults continued. Finally, he was ready to go home. He walked me to my car and I gave him a hug goodbye. His response was “had fun, bye!” I was so relieved that he didn’t want to make plans for a second date. On my drive home Porthos texted me and gave me the only compliment from the whole night…… “nice shoes”. I didn’t respond to his text or his texts the following day. One date down and two more to go!

Date 2: Aramis
Aranis was a handsome young man who hesitated between his religious calling and his fondness for women and scheming. My second Musketeer fit this description. During our first date he brought up religious beliefs. While sitting at dinner he asked where I stood on religion. I told him that I attend church on Sundays and pray regularly. He then proceeded to tell me why I shouldn’t believe in the God that I do and that his beliefs were better than mine. This is NOT a first date conversation topic. Aranis and I finished our dinner and I told him I needed to get home even though it was still early in the night. I did not agree to a second date with Aranis.


Date 3: Athos
Athos, the last Musketeer had never recovered from his marriage and sought solace in wine. Although, Athos’s name didn’t relate with his personality as close as my previous two dates, I found similarities. Athos was very handsome, kind and quiet. I thought the quiet part came from it being our first date and he was just nervous. Our first date we went to my favorite taco place for dinner. I noticed I did most of the talking but always would ask him questions about himself. I thought the date was going pretty well so once it was over I suggested we go out again. I wanted to give Athos another chance since I thought he was nervous and that was the reason for his lack of talking. On the second date we met at a restaurant closer to his house. While waiting for our table I wanted to test Athos to see if he would start the conversation. He didn’t. We stood there waiting for our table in silence, not speaking a single word to each other. We finally sat down and I started the conversation. Usually during dates, I hate the awkward silence and always try to fill it. This time I let the awkward silence sit there waiting for Athos to talk. Finally, our date was over and I went home. I didn’t hear from Athos for over 4 days after that night. His only text after 4 days was “Hey, what’s up?”. I didn’t respond because I was no longer interested and guys shouldn’t wait 4 days to text someone after a second date if you want to go out again.

The Three Musketeers were three completely different types of guys. These guys will meet a woman that fits their personality. I clearly wasn’t her. These dates taught me that even a free drink and dinner are not worth being insulted the entire time. To never change your beliefs based on someone else’s and do not bring up religion on the first date unless you’ve already previously discussed it. And lastly, make sure to talk to your date and don’t leave awkward silence.



Two Faced

The One You Can’t Let Go

There is always that one guy that you go back to time and time again. The one that always knows the right things to say. The one that keeps stringing you along. I had that one guy on and off for more than a couple of years. He was tall, handsome, great smile, tattoos and so much fun to be around. We would date other people but whenever it ended we always found each other. Little did I know that the guy I thought he was, was someone completely opposite. We will call him “Two Faced.”.

I have known of Two Faced since I was in High School, but we didn’t actually meet until he started working for my dad. He had this sympathy story he carried around with him to get girls, at least that’s how he got me. I believed everything he said because I had no reason not to.

When my boyfriend and I broke up, Two Faced was over that week making me dinner. He went with me to a Wine Festival, took me to the fair, and he even agreed to be my date to my best friend’s wedding. He also came over to hang out with my parents. I thought we had a good thing going on and we had great sex! Slowly I would notice small red flags or weird behaviors from Two Faced. I thought with all the time we were spending together he was only dating me. Lies!!!

I noticed the first red flag at the State Fair when his phone kept ringing and he said it was some crazy girl that wouldn’t leave him alone. Then, my best friend’s wedding came. It was out of town and I had already paid for both of us to stay in a house for the whole weekend. The week of the wedding Two Faced told me he forgot about the wedding and didn’t take off the right weekend, so he couldn’t go. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and still tried to hang on to whatever was there between us.

One night, Two Faced invited me out to have drinks with him and some friends. While sitting at the bar the waitress comes over to ask if we needed anything. And, right in front of me Two Faced asked for her phone number. Trying not to be agitated, I let it go. He was all over me of course on our way to the next bar. Once we got to the bar he bought me a drink and then disappeared. That’s when I noticed him with two other girls that were yelling at him. I found out that those two girls were best friends and they each had recently found out he was sleeping with both of them. Still trying to remain cool, I decided to call it a night and his brother walked me to my car. Two Faced called me that night and the next day. He said all the right things to get me right back into his web of lies.

Shortly after this episode, Two Faced invited me out once again for drinks. This time I decided to bring a friend with me in case he pulled the same crap. We arrive at the bar that everyone in this town goes to on a Friday and Saturday night. Everyone knows exactly who Two Faced is in this bar. As soon as I walk in I spot him talking to another girl. My friend walks over and says hi and he walks over to hug and kiss me. And then, he disappears. I see him back with that same girl by the bar all over her and finally walk over to him. He was paying his bar tab getting ready to leave with this girl in his arms. I asked him if he was really going to leave with this girl in front of me after he invited me out. His response “Yea, why not?”

My friend and I left and went home. The next day we packed a bag and headed to the beach for the weekend to get away from everything. I was so upset for trusting this guy so many times. I even met someone at the beach that I thought would be great for me (I’ll tell you about him at a later time). But, once again Two Faced walked back into my life, pulling all the stops  to get me back.

At this point I told him that I wanted to be strictly friends and nothing more than that. I also tried one more time to get him to be my date for a friend’s wedding. He agreed and actually showed up this time. We had an amazing time and of course went past being “just friends.” But, this time was different. It was great sex, but I didn’t feel the connection anymore. This is when I realized that after all the years of being on and off with Two Faced and all the crap I went through with him, it wasn’t worth it anymore. He had broken me down to be this vulnerable girl that just wanted his attention and would do anything to get it. I didn’t want to be that girl anymore. Although, I realized I didn’t want his attention anymore it didn’t stop there. I began finding out more of his lies. Lies that went back to when I first met him all the way until the last time I had seen him.

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Finding out all the lies was like having my heart broken all over again but worse. It was this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach and I couldn’t breathe or talk. I just sat there in awe of everything I was learning.

I found out not only was he seeing multiple girls the entire time he was seeing me, some of these girls were people I considered friends, girls I had seen him out with but he told me were “no bodies.” I also found out that his long time ex-girlfriend that had actually never left the picture like he said. After finding out all of these horrible things, I realized that the guy I thought I knew all these years was not that guy at all. He was a completely different person that lived in a world of lies. He had so many lies that he actually began to believe them. He would manipulate every girl he came in contact with and pit every girl against each other. He was controlling and psychotic to be able to do this to so many women.

Two Faced is no longer in my life and never will be. I hope that people will see this story and know that there are guys out there just like this but in hiding. Two Faced walks around like he’s everyone’s best friend and can do no evil. Yet, he mentally and physically hurts women and has been for years.

My goal is for more people to stand up for themselves and never allow a person to have that much control over you. Girls need to support one another and realize that sometimes it’s the guys fault, and not the girl that didn’t know he was seeing 10 other girls. If a guy is ok with doing what Two Faced did to me, then you do not need him in your life. He is not the right guy. Two Faced might have broken me down but in the long run he made me stronger. He made me believe in myself and learn not to take crap from anyone. He showed me exactly who I don’t want to be and who I don’t want to be with.

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Making Friends Along the Way

When we go through a break up, we usually turn to our friends. They are the ones that are there to pick up all the pieces when you’ve been broken. Sometimes, we find friends in the most unlikely ways. In my years of dating, I have met many people and some of those people have become my amazing friends. I’ve found these friends through break ups, dating the same guy at the same time, ex-girlfriends and friends of new girlfriends.


More women today should support each other instead of hating them because of a guy. Usually, the root of every girl-drama steams from a guy. Ladies, never let that guy win over friends! Here are some ways you can support other women around you:

          Be open and honest

          Lean back and listen to what they have to say

          Support them

          Have girl time, go to brunch or happy hour

          Check in to see how they’re doing

          Invite them out with other friends

          Support women owned businesses

          Compliment each other

          Defend one another

My friends have picked me up when I was down and I am beyond thankful for them. When you find friends like these you hang on to them, not the guy that keeps breaking your heart.




Changes For The Better

Sometimes I have these super ballsy moments where I see a cute guy and give them my number.  One night I went out on a whim  and gave a guy my number. He was sweet, funny and had an accent from Louisiana. So, I will call him Louisiana. We ended up going out to lunch the very next day.

Our first date was great. I felt very comfortable talking to him and being with him. We hung out a few times but I noticed that he was always negative about things and mean to other people. He was never negative or mean towards me. Louisiana came over for dinner one night and things got hot. Very hot. But hot doesn’t always mean good, so I learned that night.

A few days later Louisiana drunk dialed me asking to come pick him up from a bar. I was beyond annoyed that he wouldn’t accept no for an answer. I ended up picking him up and letting him stay the night at my house. I set a few ground rules for him staying the night. These were my rules (mostly because of my annoyance): do not breath on me, do not touch me, no cuddling, no snoring and no sex! I listed each rule and then rolled over. Louisiana finally passed out after an hour of drunk mumbling. I pretended to be asleep. Then, the snoring began. I tried waking him up multiple times. Finally, I got up and went and slept in my spare room. The next morning, I had to get ready for work and then drive him back to his hotel.

I ended up “ghosting” Louisiana after that night. He reached out to me twice and I felt awful about leaving him hanging. Finally, I texted him and told him where I was that moment in my life and why it wouldn’t work out between us. I decided to meet Louisiana for dinner one night and I was very honest with him. We were talking about the reason why I began going to church and he said he understood where I was coming from. I told him that maybe these were the reasons he was so negative and mean to other people. We had a very deep conversation that night. Louisiana still tried to be more than friends with me but I was not having it. He moved back home soon after.

Occasionally I would hear from him and how I changed his life. I found out that he began going to church and was no longer negative and mean to other people. He said I helped him realize what he needed to fix in his life and how to become a better person. Louisiana ended up sending me a handwritten card and very thoughtful gift for Christmas that year. He is also still convinced that I am the love of his life and he’s going to marry me one day.

Although I enjoyed Louisiana’s company, I didn’t feel the “click.” I was instantly annoyed with him in less than a week. Louisiana will still randomly text me to see if I’ve met anyone and if he still has a chance. Each time I’m just as honest with him as I have been in the past. Meeting Louisiana taught me that you need to be honest. It also made me feel good, knowing I helped him become a better person. I pray that Louisiana finds that perfect person that he’s searching for and will remain this awesome person he has become. Also, I learned that ghosting people is wrong and its always better to be upfront and honest with everyone.


Have the Power

Women are considered targets because of how we act and dress. We become vulnerable and don’t even realize it. In a mall, a parking lot, at a bar, women can become victims at any time.  Since there are people in this world that think it’s ok to touch women however they want, we need to be able to defend ourselves. So, I signed up to take a Self Defense Class!

I had been wanting to take a self-defense class for a while now and one popped up on my Instagram recently. Instantly, I signed myself and a friend up for the class. This class was awesome and totally worth it. I didn’t learn how to be Bruce Lee but I did learn techniques to help myself in the event if someone were to attack me. Here are a few pictures from our class:


selfdefense2 She only kicked me a little!


When it comes to self-defense, it’s better to have the power and not need it, than need it and not have it. Women should never have to feel powerless. Of course, we never want to be in that type of position but taking some precautions will help you if you are. Remember to be alert of your surroundings, don’t carry too many things in your hands, always have a free hand, and have your keys ready if you’re walking to your car. Have the power to help yourself!

A BIG thank you to MASSive Performance and Larry for having this class! You guys rock and I can’t wait to come back!


Trip from Hell

Going on a mini vacation to Florida should be fun, right? Sunshine and a condo right on the beach. Maybe if I went with someone who was a lot nicer and didn’t think it was acceptable to have other girls sitting on his lap.

My trip to Florida seemed like it would be awesome. I had been dating this guy for a couple of months and he seemed great. I met him at my work and instantly thought he was gorgeous. People always ask what my “type ” is for guys. I don’t really have a “type ”, but I do have a thing for tattoos. They are my weakness! This guy was loaded with tattoos so we’re going to call him “Ink”.

I worked at a gym and he would come in and I would always find an excuse to talk to him. He finally got the hint and asked if I would like to go to dinner one night. I, of course, said yes immediately and went to dinner with him the next night. He was sweet, caring and made me feel like he really liked me. When you start dating someone, sometimes you don’t notice the red flags, or sometimes you notice them but you brush them off.  I brushed off a lot of red flags with Ink. Here are some red flags I ignored:

  1. Previously married and talked very offensively to and about his ex-wife.
  2. Occasionally get very angry over nothing (I thought this was because of his military background).
  3. Played with bombs….but for his job.
  4. Told me that his ex-wife and him had an “open marriage.”

Catch my drift?!


In April, Ink asked me to go with him on a trip to Florida to attend the military memorial ball. I instantly said yes because I liked being with him and thought it would be an amazing opportunity to experience more of his life and background. This trip required me to get a fancy dress for the military ball , and I was so excited to look gorgeous for Ink. I picked out a dress and started working out more to look good for the weekend in Florida.

The trip  finally came and we were on our way to Florida. We started our drive and made it to Atlanta for the night. I noticed on the drive there that Ink was getting annoyed that I wanted to sleep the whole time. Yet, when I wasn’t asleep he didn’t feel the need to talk to me. We arrived in Florida and agreed to get dinner. At dinner Ink thought it was ok to insult me in front of his friends by making fun of me.  After dinner, his friends wanted to stay in  but Ink wanted to go to the bar close to the condo. At least I thought it was right down the street. It was over a mile away and he wanted us to walk. It was also raining.

We get to the  bar which is full of his friends from work so he immediately left me alone to go talk with them. A few guys would come over and talk to me which would then make Ink come over and acknowledge me to get them to leave. I met a few of his friends and they all told me how awesome Ink was and how lucky I was to be with him. I didn’t feel lucky at all that weekend. It wasn’t until last call that we left the bar and walked back.

The next day was the ball. The entire day felt rushed but when I finally got to put on my dress for the ball I felt gorgeous. I didn’t receive any compliments from Ink, only his friends. When we arrived at the ball, I was left to stand alone while Ink talked with his friends.

We left the ball, changed and headed to a bar that everyone was going to. At this point I was annoyed for being ignored most of the weekend. I was trying to have fun and mingle with all of these people I met while Ink was ignoring me. I kept noticing this one girl all weekend all over Ink and staring at me. Finally, it happened. The girl was on Ink’s lap and I caused a scene. I walked outside angry and in tears and finally Ink came out to ask “What my problem was?” He told me it was fine and normal for girls to sit on his lap and I needed to get over myself. His friends that were staying with us in the condo came out and I asked them to take me back. Ink stayed there with his “lap girl”.

Back at the condo I started looking for a plane ticket so I could leave as soon as possible. This is when I noticed I left my ID and credit card at the bar. I had no way of getting home and away from Ink. Ink came back and half apologized for what happened. The next morning, we started our 14-hour drive back… in silence. I couldn’t wait to get home and get away from him.

Once we were back home Ink was back to being that nice guy he was at first but not as nice. He decided he was going to move back to Colorado but would come back and visit. I pretended to be sad but I secretly  couldn’t wait until he left. We still talked after he left for a little. I finally decided I was completely done with Ink when he wanted me to drive to another state to come see him. I stopped talking to him and ignoring his phone calls and texts. Soon after, I went on a weekend trip with my best friend. During the trip I got the longest, meanest voicemail from Ink. The things he said in the voicemail were the same things I would  overhear him telling his ex-wife. I instantly blocked Ink’s phone number, all social media and haven’t heard from him since.

The lessons learned from Ink were that you can figure someone out usually within 3 months of dating them. Also, if you see the red flags, do not ignore them. The flags pop up for a reason and that reason is to get out and get  far away from them!!

Red Flags


Be Happy!

Be Happy!

We live in a world accustomed to never being alone. We are always asked if we have a significant other, when we’re getting married or when will we have children. The world has taught us from a young age that we are supposed to have someone else to make us happy.  I was always looking for that someone. In that time, I found lots of guys that I thought would be that. But what I learned along the way was I needed to make myself happy.

yourselfOver my years of dating, I’ve learned to love myself, be happy with being alone and never depend on others for my happiness. It took many broken hearts to get this far, but I finally made it. I realized I wasn’t going to accomplish much if I sat around and waited for someone to do it with me. It takes a strong person to stand up, go against normalcy, and be independent. My motivation comes from finding lots of awesome quotes.

Here are a few:

Be happy with yourself and where you are at this stage in life. Keep learning and experiencing new things, even if it means you do it alone. Love yourself as much as the love you want to give away.


Tinder Dates Part 1

What girl hasn’t gotten on Tinder or at least looked at it and had some type of interest in it? Tinder is hilarious. There are books about Tinder fails, and hilarious screenshots of Tinder conversations. Not everyone is successful on Tinder, except for that couple that got a free trip to Hawaii.

Here are a few of my personal Tinder fails.

My first ever tinder  date was with “Blue”. He  seemed very nice and was easy to talk to through texts. So, we decided to go out for ice cream. We met in a public place, so that if he tried to kidnap me I could scream and someone would hear me! He picked me up on time and we started our drive to go get ice cream. This was also the first date since breaking up with my boyfriend of 6 months. (I’ll introduce him later!)

Blue wanted to talk about his custom ordered 4Runner  and how intense his job was the whole ride there.  I just sat there in the passenger seat. We got our ice cream, sat down, and Blue kept talking while I kept nodding. Blue then took it upon himself to guess my underwear color while eating ice cream. Yes, there were people around us. He asked if I had on blue underwear. It was clearly my shirt tucked into my skirt. I then thought it was best for Blue to return me to my car. He drove me back to my car and he asked about coming to my house. My excuse: I needed to go buy cat food to feed my cat. I got out of the car and walked into the grocery store and wondered around for about 30 minutes to make sure he had left and wouldn’t follow me home. I then went home without any cat food and without any desire to see Blue again.

I didn’t want Blue to ruin my experience of Tinder since a few of my friends had actually had decent dates so I decided to give another match a chance. This Tinder guy will be referred as “V”.

V and I chatted on Tinder for a bit  before agreeing to meet up for coffee. Sidenote: I don’t drink coffee, so this date was already off to a bad start. The next day we made plans to meet at Starbucks after work. We had been chatting some throughout the day so I assumed we still had plans. I texted V on my way to the date. I pulled into the parking lot, checked my phone, no response. So, I waited a few minutes for him to text back. Nothing. I waited to see if anyone showed up. Nothing. V never showed up. He texted me later that evening and said “Oh was that tonight.” I didn’t respond. He obviously wasn’t worth my time.

Karma is a Funny thing. V ended up coming into my work about a week later. He didn’t know where I worked but he ended up coming right in and was face to face with me. Meeting him in person made me very glad that I didn’t end up on that date with him. He could barely look at me and he clearly was not as tall as he said.

I didn’t give up that easily on Tinder because third time is supposed to be the charm. I decided to go on another date with some lucky guy. This date was with “Gamer”.

Gamer thought we should eat at a hibachi restaurant that was his favorite. It was nice but we ended up talking to the other people at the table more than we talked to each other. After dinner, he thought we should go to a local park to walk around and get to know each other some more. Don’t worry, I drove myself so that way if he was going to try kidnap me I was in a public place and I could run back to my car.  This guy also talked a lot. He liked to talk about his job which was a professional video gamer. This was a first for me. I didn’t even know that was a career. But this also showed me he didn’t like the outdoors and would rather spend time inside, in front of a TV. His pictures also didn’t look anything like the person I was with. But then neither did the other two Tinder guys.


Lesson learned: guys use old pictures for their Tinder profiles, they are not as tall as they look, and sometimes people really do say what they’re thinking. But these guys are awesome in their own way and hopefully have met whoever they were looking for on Tinder or Bumble or E-harmony. Internet dating is not for me.

Single by Choice



Do’s & Dont’s of Dating

When you get ready to go on a date you want to impress that person. Sometimes we do things that we think may impress them or may actually completely turn them away. It could be nerves or it could be the real person showing coming out. Here are a few of my dating do’s and dont’s that I’ve personally experienced.


  • Do always walk to the door or greet the person you’re picking up for a date
  • Do NOT honk the horn when you arrive at their house to have them come outside
  • Do plan a fun date that will allow you to talk to each other
  • Do NOT get so drunk on your date that she has to call her friends to come get you both
  • Do NOT go to a movie on your first date…. You can’t talk in the movies!
  • Do NOT invite your new date and old date to a “Fun Day” together
  • Do NOT insult your date the entire time you’re together
  • Do NOT try to change your dates point of view on religion on your first date
  • Do show interest in your date and what they’re talking about
  • DO NOT check out other girls while on your date
  • Do NOT point out how attractive other girls are while on your date
  • Do call or text your date the day before and the day of your date
  • Do NOT ghost your date then still assume your date is still on
  • Do listen to what your date is saying
  • Do NOT let awkward silence take over your date
  • Do NOT do all the talking on the date
  • DO ask your date questions about them so they can ask you those same questions back
  • Do NOT talk on your phone while your date waits patiently for you to finish… unless it’s an emergency
  • Do NOT talk about yourself the entire date
  • Do allow your date to talk to you
  • Do NOT talk about your ex-girlfriend for the whole date
  • Do NOT drive like you’re in NASCAR with your date in the car
  • Do listen to your date if they’re trying to give you directions and you do not know where you’re going
  • Do NOT reveal too much personal information about yourself on your first date
  • Do NOT start planning your future with your date on your first date
  • Do ask your date what they like and do not like before planning your first date
  • Do compliment your date
  • Do NOT show up for your date drunk
  • Do NOT show up for your date late… unless you have a really good excuse, like saving baby kittens
  • Do have manners and treat the wait staff or any other people you come in contact with nicely
  • Do NOT blow off your date twice and expect them to still go out with you
  • Do act nicely to your date so they will want to go on more dates
  • Do NOT wait three days to contact your date after your first date
  • Do reach out to your date if you’re interested
  • Do follow your gut
  • Do notice the red flags
  • Do be truthful to your date if you’re not interested in them

These are just a few of my personal pointers for dating. They’re not a rule book. But I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who would agree with some of these Do’s and Dont’s.

What are some of your Do’s and Dont’s on Dates?!





Solo Trip

I decided last year I wanted to go on a solo trip. A trip that I would be completely on my own, finding my way around a city that I had never been to before. The purpose of this trip was to help me feel independent. I absolutely loved this adventure and accomplished everything I set out to.

I chose this destination because I wanted to visit the largest aquarium in the United States. I have an obsession with sharks, and this aquarium happens to have whale sharks! Of course, my parents were terrified and I had so many people telling me not to go, friends trying to talk me out of it, they were trying to scare me out of going or even volunteer to come with me. I wanted to do something on my own and this was my chance.

During my time in Atlanta I proved that I could be independent and not rely on anyone by myself. I loved being able to do what I wanted and not have to ask someone else what they had in mind. I planned out my entire trip to help put my parents mind at ease but planning too much detail never works out.

Everything was mapped out from my plane departure, taxi ride, hotel check-in, restaurants, day plans by the hour and getting back on the plane to come home. The one thing I did not plan was meeting a smoking hot marine while eating dinner at a bar.

I felt like I traveled all over this city. I woke up early Saturday morning, got ready and started walking. My first stop was, of course, the aquarium. This place was AMAZING! I would go back a million times and just sit with the whale sharks for hours if I could. Next stop was the Coca Cola Museum, they are right next door to the aquarium. Then, got in my Uber and was off to Fernbank Museum because the there was a giant dinosaur exhibit.

While I was planning my trip, I researched other places to visit and found a lot of cool places! My premeditated day ended early, so I decided to wing it. During my unplanned afternoon I had my first lunch alone in a crowded restaurant. The bartender asked if I was alone, and told me how “ballsy” I was for being able to travel to a city I’d never been to and explore it. After my ballsy lunch, I went to Ponce City Market. It was amazing to walk around and I also got the chance to check out Krog Street Market that was right down the road.

I decided I needed dinner and a friend recommended this really cool restaurant that I had to try. I went to JCT Kitchen and Bar and it was awesome, minus the weird stares I got from people because I was eating alone. In walks this guy towards the end of my meal and he sits right next to me at the bar. He will be referred to as “Georgia”. The first thing I did was look at his shoes and think to myself well those aren’t very attractive. We ended up chatting and I ordered, only so I didn’t have to end the conversation. Georgia asked me to get dessert with him since we were both done with our meals and I’m pretty sure he wanted to keep talking to me! (Yes, I had two desserts!)

We walked to the ice cream place next to the restaurant. We still weren’t ready to go back to our hotels. There was a bar right across the street so we decided to go there and get a drink. He sat next to be at the bar, held my hand, rubbed leg, so clearly he was into me. It was finally time for us to leave so Georgia got us an Uber back to my hotel. I told Georgia there was no way he was coming back to my room because I didn’t want to be one of those “taken” girls and end up missing on my first solo trip. We sat in the lobby for a while and finally, he ended up leaving but we made plans to meet for breakfast the next morning.

The next morning, I woke up bright and early to get ready and look super-hot for my breakfast date. But Georgia texted me saying his flight was super early and had to cancel. I let him know that I enjoyed meeting him and good luck with his new job. I didn’t expect to hear from him after that.

Two days went by since I had gotten home from my awesome adventure and something about this guy stuck in my head. I ended up texting him later that day about possibly meeting for drinks since he was moving to a city nearby. This was a bad idea on my part. The text messages soon lost their words and became pictures. The words that did come with the pictures were not what I expected but I was having a good laugh. I learned very quickly about Georgia’s sexual history and what he liked and what he wanted. And what he wanted was something I did not want to do. This was the first time ever a guy had told me that he wanted me to give him a golden shower (pee on him). After that disturbing text I stopped responding, but I didn’t stop laughing!

Georgia was a one in a million. He was polite, sweet and a total gentleman when I met him. I learned that sometimes people have different interest than others. His interests did not coincide with mine, but that doesn’t mean he won’t find his match one day. I just wasn’t it. I also should have probably listened a little better to my parents about not talking to strangers.

If you have the ability to travel, do it! Take every chance you get in life, because some things only happen once. I met Georgia for a reason and I don’t regret a single moment!


The End of the Beginning

Forgive People

Have you ever been in the middle of a date and wondered how you got to that point? Or why did you agree to do this? Dating is uncomfortable and when it’s not with the right person, it’s not always fun. I have been on so many dates with so many different “types” of guys.

Some dates were fun, but others no so much. I would count down the minutes until it was over!

Every date was a learning experience and I don’t regret any of them at all. I’ve met a lot of wonderful people that I pray will find their perfect match.

When I think back on all my dates I always try to put them in order. What got me to this point in my life? Who has shaped my way of thinking about relationships? What has made me feel this way about dating? I have recently made some comical realizations about my dating life, and I want to share them on here for the world. Laughing alone isn’t nearly as fun.

I think I have dated all types men, starting with pretty boys, to rednecks, even a couple sweethearts. Then there’s the handful of assholes. But who hasn’t dated a jerk or two? It all began with my first real boyfriend. The first boy I gave my heart to, the first time I said “I love you,”  the one that held my hand and I spent an entire year of my life with. Boyfriend number 1 will be referred to as “Bean”

I met Bean through mutual family friends while I was in high school. Although that was clearly ages ago, the experiences I had through out that year of my life taught me quite a few things. When we’re young , we like to think we know everything and we can plan our entire future. Bean was my first real boyfriend and I thought he was going to be my last. Thank goodness, he wasn’t! Bean had that tough guy attitude and raced motocross. He drove a truck and made me feel like I was the luckiest girl in the world, that was until the real Bean came out.

My  first Valentine’s day with my first real boyfriend. I wanted to look beautiful for him so I put on make-up and wore my cutest outfit. Bean came to pick me up for dinner and while at dinner I’m expecting a nice night maybe a compliment or something but it turned into a night of tears. Bean told me that I looked hideous with make-up on and to never wear it again. When I look back at it now this is where the controlling part began. I always went to all of Bean’s races and was supportive of everything he did. My whole young world revolved around him and everything he wanted to do. He wanted to get married as soon as I was old enough and he would remind me often. This is where I realized I didn’t want to be with Bean anymore. I started to get my own voice and Bean did not like it. One morning while we were just sitting around he asked me to do something and I replied with a “No”. Bean did not like that answer since he always got his way and elbowed me right in the mouth. I jumped up mortified and couldn’t believe what had happened and ran to the bathroom while he was yelling at me on the way there. He eventually apologized and I accepted his apology.

A  few weeks later he got upset about something he was working on in the garage and while I was just sitting there watching him work , he decided to throw a wrench at me. I ran inside the house and his dad hearing the noise ran out and to yell at Bean . I still stayed with Bean  even after all the hurtful things he said and did, but one day I finally realized I didn’t want to stay there forever and be  afraid of a man. A man who thought it was normal  hurting me, insulting me and making me feel insecure. No woman should ever be scared of the person they are with.

Bean  and I finally broke up over the  summer.  That year I realized I needed to stand up for myself, I should never be afraid of a man, if I want to wear make-up to make myself feel extra pretty, then I can wear make-up, and that I was allowed to be happy.

Guys should not try to make you feel insecure about your choices or how you look , and what you wear. If you aren’t happy in your situation, you have to stay that way.   We should never settle, we deserve all the happiness. Go out there and live your life! Be happy!

Bean  might have done some wrong things , but I can move on from that. I learned from all of those things. Remember , you can forgive people but that doesn’t mean you have to accept  their behavior or trust them. You should forgive them for yourself, so you can let go and move on with your life.

Forgive People